Hate to break it to you, but Ulysees beets The Odyssey, and Infinite Jest kicks the intestinal waste out of both of them. As far as epics go its down to Infinite Jest and Gravity's Rainbow...
I was unaware that beet was a verb. And if it is the epic we are after, Gilgamesh is the one that started it all. Yo, Dawg, I put a trump in your trump so you could get trumped while you trump.