Who will win Super Bowl XLVI?
The biggest sports night of the year, Super Bowl XLVI, is this Sunday. Gather your beer, chips, party food, and friends and watch Eli Manning and the wild card New York Giants try to take out Tom Brady and the New England Patriots like they did back in 2008. Will the Giants beat the Pats once again and claim the championship title, or can the Patriots exact revenge and bring home the trophy?

More WTF example of a dark guy turned white, Michael Jackson or Sammy Sosa?
We all know that the late King of Pop Michael Jackson underwent some peculiar physical changes since his Jackson 5 days. The singer went from being a dark-skinned black man with a fro to a pale, thin, white person with a sculpted nose and silky hair. He blamed his lightened complexion on the skin condition vitiligo. Sammy Sosa, a former all-star baseball player who hails from the Dominican ...

Better 'hipster celebrity with a corded phone extension' pic:
It appears as if telephone technology has gone full circle. We've gone from the corded rotary to cordless to gigantic car phones to tiny flip phones to smart phones and back to corded extensions. Phew! Some companies are making plug-in receives for your smart phone that are supposed to cut down on potential radiation as well as offer better sound quality. Lenny Kravitz was spotted looking ...

Bacon or Sriracha?
These two foods have a loyal and rabid fanbase, but if you had to choose just one, which couldn't you live without? Would you pick crispy, juicy, flavorful bacon or the bright red hot sauce that you could squirt on pretty much any food to make it better? Show your love for Sriracha Rooster Sauce by buying a t-shirt, poster, magnets, and more at The Oatmeal store. Or, if you prefer bacon, ...

Does 'Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close' deserve a Best Picture Oscar nomination?
The Academy Award nominations came out yesterday and included nine Best Picture contenders. One of the movies, 'Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, got nominated despite having a 48% Rotten Tomatoes score, meaning most movie critics didn't like the film. Its poor critical reception makes you wonder how it got a Best Picture nomination. Do you think the film deserves the nod or should it...

Garth Brooks wants his $500k hospital donation back. Justifiable or sour grapes?
Country music superstar Garth Brooks donated $500,000 to Integris Canadian Valley Regional Hospital in Yukon, OK, but now he wants his donation back. He alleges that the hospital promised to name a new series of building additions after his mother, who died of cancer in 1999. However, after the hospital received the donation, they said Brooks' mother's name would not be used and refused to ...

Facebook Timeline: love it or hate it?
Rumors are floating that Facebook's newish Timeline layout, which has been optional for users, will now become a permanent and mandatory change within the next few weeks. I personally can't stand the Timeline layout because it's too confusing and cluttered to look at. Remember when Facebook was praised for its simplicity? They keep fussing with the site every time their users start ...

Happy puppy or sad puppy?
Which pup is cuter, the happy one or the sad one? Both have adorable floppy ears so that's a tie in that regard, but which expression wins you over, the smile or the frown?

Surprised koala or surprised monkey?
Which overly expressive animal is funnier, the "I can't believe it" koala bear or the "Holy crap, did you see that" spider monkey?

Better horrible Valentine's Day card:
From the depraved mind of The Oatmeal comes some truly horrible (and funny) Valentine's Day card for that special someone in your life. Which one do you like better, the one involving taping your loved one's eyes to a kitty or the one that involves dragon kicking a baby? Buy some horrible Valentine's Day cards from The Oatmeal to make this upcoming holiday one to remember!

Lana del Rey: talented or total mess?
Lana del Rey is the latest young female music artist to attract attention, but the jury's out as to whether it's positive or negative. Her real name is Elizabeth Grant and she's the daughter of a millionaire domain investor whose management chose the stage name 'Lana del Ray' for her. She's released a few singles, one of which, ' Video Games,' has nearly 22 million views on YouTube. Some people ...

Are you good at holding goats?
Goat holding is serious business. Can you rise to the challenge and grip yourself a goat or would you fail miserably like the dude in the blue t-shirt with the hilarious look on his face?

Which animal family is cuter?
Aww, look at these furry, cuddly families. Which group makes you squeal with delight, the kissing kitties with their new kittens or the smooching guinea pigs and their little runt?

Does a young Newt Gingrich look like Dwight Schrute from 'The Office'?
Republican Presidential candidate Newt Gingrich looks an awful lot like beet farmer and assistant (to) the regional manager Dwight Schrute from the American version of 'The Office'...or at least he did back in the 70's. What do you think, does 'Newt Schrute' bear a striking resemblance to the office drone character or are people just being haters to Gingrich?

Which version of LMFAO's 'Party Rock Anthem' is better?
LMFAO's song 'Party Rock Anthem' has become quite the hit, so much so that it's inspired a literal MS Paint version. Which music video do you think is better, the original or the animated parody? Original video: Literal MS Paint version:

Funnier photo, kid and car edition:
These kids must be drinking their milk and eating their spinach, because they sure are tough when it comes to working with cars. On the left is a little girl whose kick is so powerful it broke the windshield, and on the right is the tiniest mechanic we've ever seen. Which picture is cuter/funnier?

Funnier 'accidental' book sticker placement:
Methinks the stickers on these books weren't just coincidentally placed there, but whether intentional or not, the end result is pretty amusing. Which altered book title made you giggle more, "Cooking Your Dog" or "Little Ho on the Prairie"?

Which TV villain were you sadder to see go?
Here be spoilers in case you aren't caught up on 'The Wire' and 'Breaking Bad,' two of the greatest television drama series of all time. In the recently-wrapped season 4 finale of 'Breaking Bad,' drug kingpin Gus Fring was taken out by Walt via a bomb strapped to the sneering cartel member-turned stroke victim Hector Salamanca. A few rings of Hector's bell was ...

Do you support SOPA or are you against it?
Today a number of sites are going dark to protest the Stop Online Piracy Act, a bill introduced in the U.S. House of Representatives that would result in blocking access to sites accused of copyright infringement. The bill is in danger of effectively crippling the Internet as we know it and could shut down pretty much any website that's accused of stealing content, whether it's a ...

Harem pants: hottest new fashion trend or recycled MC Hammer pants?
Fashion is pretty subjective, and right now I think harem pants look less like something hot and trendy and more like you've got something hot and steamy piled up in your drawers. I'm no expert, but this new trend looks suspiciously like the same pants MC Hammer broke it down in back in the early '90s. Do you think harem pants are hot or uh oh, uh oh, STOP, are they just a sad ...

Anna Kournikova is the New "Biggest Loser" Trainer Despite Her Lack of Qualifications or Desire to Eat
NBC's hit show Fat People Crying The Biggest Loser just wrapped up its eleventh season on Tuesday, and Jillian Michaels, beloved trainer-turned-corporate-shill, is leaving so she can scissor Danica Patrick in "too hot for TV hehe go to our website to see unrated content that you think will be porn but is probably actually just a crapton of spam" commercials for Go Daddy. Michaels' departure leaves a big void that thousands of personal trainers were chomping at the bit to fill...

10 Other Tragedies That Are a "Personal 9/11" for Schwarzenegger's Kids
Most of you are likely aware that former governor of California and former/possibly future action movie star Arnold Schwarzenegger realized he forgot to use his Republican sex scandal punch card while in office, so he recently announced that not only are he and his wife of 25 years Skeletor Maria Shriver separating, he also fathered a love child ten years ago with his Charro-meets-Jocelyn-Wildenstein housekeeper. It's undoubtedly an emotionally tough time for Ahnuld, Shriver, and their ...

"Two and a Half Men" Refuses to Die, Hires Ashton Kutcher Instead
For every Arrested Development or Freaks and Geeks that's apparently too "smart" or critically acclaimed to stay on the air, we must endure an According to Jim or Two and a Half Men, inexplicably popular shows about one-dimensional louts that get renewed for an unfathomable number of seasons because the shows' creators made a deal with the devil and because American television audiences are really, really stupid. When Charlie Sheen went on his "fuck it, I'm rich"...

Want to Look Like a Working Man Without Actually Working? Lucky Brand Has You Covered
A while back I brought up a t-shirt sold by Wet Seal that took the English language from behind and humiliated it so much, it's getting a "ripped from the headlines" episode on Law and Order: SVU. Today's shirt doesn't bastardize proper spelling and grammar, but it does take a dump on the hearts of working stiffs in blue collar jobs. Want the illusion of being a hard-working mechanic who gets grime under your fingernails and comes home with an aching back, grease in your ...

16 Random Pictures of Tennis Players Looking Stupid
Ah, tennis. In no other setting can you wear tight clothes and make orgasmic shrieks and grunts while sweating and smacking balls without making people wonder if Cinemax is filming footage for their late-night programming. All kidding aside, tennis is an admirable sport that requires strength, speed, and agility...and stupid faces. Lots and lots of stupid faces. In fact, I'm not sure you're eligible for your pro card until you've made at least a dozen dumb faces in your amateur ...

8 Anti-Sex Slavery Posters Inspired by Ashton Kutcher's "Real Men Don't Buy Girls" Campaign
Yesterday we brought news of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore's new foundation to "take a stand against child slavery" by enlisting their celebrity buddies to star in some poor-man's-Old-Spice commercials that have nothing to do with sex trafficking until the very end, when the ads are like, "Oh yeah, this funny video about Justin Timberlake shaving with a chainsaw is against child sex slavery, and you should be too." What's that? You think a series of promos ...

Update on the TechStars Startup Madness Tournament
I wanted to update you guys with what's going on with the TechStars Startup Madness tournament. Some folks have complained that some of Round 2's votes appear to be as suspicious as a grown man showing up at a young girl's house to "hang out," only to run into Chris Hanson in the kitchen. Fear not, conspiracy theorists! Your suspicions have been confirmed: there have definitely been some voting inconsistencies.

7 Celebrities with Unfortunate-Looking "Whistle Teeth"
When you're famous, there are certain expectations for you to look as impeccable as possible. You go on a macrobiotic diet, exercise five hours a day, wax every hair off your body, exfoliate your skin with silver diamond cream that your never-nude husband may or may not be using to secretly spy on you. And, of course, if your chompers aren't perfectly straight, you shell out big bucks for a new smile and flash those perfect pearly whites on the red carpet. It's all a part of the job.

Hell Hath No Fury Like a Web Designer Scorned
It looks like Winona Chiropractor stiffed their web designer and haven't paid one cent of their bill. The retaliation may be childish, but it's also kind of funny:

Jersey Shore Taking Their GTL and STDs to Italy
If you held onto an iota of hope that people would grow tired of the Jersey Shore after three seasons, I'm sorry to inform you that not only has a fourth season of the greasy spray-tanned MTV hit been greenlit, the (mostly) Italian crew will be filming the new season in Italy. Keep that in mind while you struggle to make enough money from your 9 to 5 to drive to the Grand Canyon during a three day weekend -- all you have to do is compromise your self-respect and have grody sexual contact with multiple people on camera, and you could be traveling for free, have a New York Times bestselling "novel," and be raking in millions.

Keanu Reeves Shoves Blue Pill Down Our Throats, Announces More Matrix Sequels
I love Keanu and all his iterations ( sad, happy, contemplative) and would gladly go see a second Bill and Ted sequel for old time's sake. But really, Keanu, are you going to cram a blue pill down our gullets just to get us to foolishly believe that more Matrix sequels would be anything more profound than a shameless attempt by Warner Bros. to rake in more franchise money? Unfortunately, Ain't It Cool News reported the news courtesy of a reader who saw Keanu Reeves being honored at the London School of Performing Arts and heard his announcement firsthand.

Taco Bell and Their Mystery Meat Facing Class-Action Lawsuit
For a state where you can legally marry your uncle and buy sex toys via a drive-thru, Alabama has gotten awfully hoity toity lately. First a town blocks filming of a Jersey Shore-esque reality show called "Redneck Riviera," and now an Alabama law firm has filed a class-action lawsuit against Taco Bell for falsely advertising the use of "seasoned ground beef" in their food. What's next for the state, Monocle Mondays?

Wet Seal's New T-Shirt Comes in Small, Medium, and Facepalm
You just have to peruse through the majority of our user comments to get a glimpse of the slow and agonizing death of the English language. Misspellings and grammatical abominations are prevalent not only throughout the web, but in popular music ("r" instead of "are," "4" instead of "for," "u" instead of "you," etc). Teen clothing store Wet Seal, however, has elevated the issue even further:

Texting Woman Falls into Mall Fountain, Sues Over Injured Ego
If it weren't for the Internet, we wouldn't get to see gems like this one of a woman who was walking and texting and subsequently fell into a mall fountain because she wasn't looking where she was going. The video has amassed over 2 1/2 million views since it was uploaded a week ago because there's nothing people love more than peeking in on the stupidity of complete strangers.

2010 Song of the Year Round 1 Results
Our second round of the 2010 Song of the Year Tournament is underway, and the results of Round 1 were surprising to say the least. We saw dedicated fans come out in droves to support their favorite artists' songs, as well as unexpected wins, shocking upsets, and close races. Here's a recap of Round 1 for those of you who were interested!

Ricky Gervais Trolls the Golden Globes Hard
Last night was the 68th annual Golden Globe Awards show, which celebrated crap like Easy A and Red under the guise of being cinematic masterpieces. Think of the Golden Globes as the Stephen or Daniel Baldwin to the Academy Awards' Alec. British comedian/actor/writer Ricky Gervais once again hosted the evening's events, as he had done last year. His jokes were scathing and packed a hell of a punch at the expense of many A-list actors and actresses.

Help Us Decide the 2010 Song of the Year
Now that 2011 is upon us, we can really reflect back on the best 2010 had to offer. From a music standpoint, there were some breakout artists and really great songs, but it's hard to whittle down the truly best song of the year. After arguing back and forth, we decided to leave it up to you, the fine folks of the Internet, to help us decide the 2010 song of the year. This or That has created a tournament bracket similar to the NCAA tournament that pits last year's hottest songs against each other in a bid to be crowned the top song of 2010.

Susan G. Koman Plans to Sue for the Cure, Then Host a 5k
A friend of mine once remarked that breast cancer awareness is like the pomegranate of campaigns -- it's everywhere. Susan G. Komen is easily the most prevalent fundraising organization, shoving pink ribbons and fun runs down your throat in the name of saving boobies everywhere. A foundation focused on healthy breasts can't possibly be a big-chested, well-endowed bully in disguise, right? Well...

New Printing of The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn Will Be "Nigger" and "Injun" Free
The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn is widely regarded as one of the Great American Novels gracing bookstore shelves today, but because of its coarse language, it's often the subject of controversy and has been removed from required reading lists in various schools throughout the United States. NewSouth Books' attempt to minimize the book's controversy might have inadvertently created more of a scandal, as they've announced that the upcoming version of Huckleberry Finn will replace the word 'nigger' with 'slave' and also tone down usage of the word 'Injun.'

Colt 45 Celebrates Mid-Life Crisis By Announcing Edible Equivalent of a Sports Car
In 2013 Colt 45, the Lando Calrissian beverage of choice, will celebrate its 50th birthday. To cope with getting older and more neglected (just like the Cats in the Cradle dad), the Pabst-brewed malt beverage has announced the upcoming launch of 'Blast by Colt 45,' a flavored line of Colt 45 that's pretty much the beverage equivalent of buying a fire engine-red Corvette.

Man Attempts Real-Life Frogger, Almost Croaks
You know that if you suggest a game of real-life Frogger to your friends and giddily shout 'Go!' before running into oncoming traffic, two things will happen: your friends will not follow you, and you will get hit by a car. That's what a 23-year old guy in Clemson, South Carolina learned. If you're too young to remember the arcade game, Frogger involves maneuvering a frog from the bottom of the screen to his home at the top while avoiding horizontally scrolling cars, buses, and other amphibian-squashing hazards.

Artichoke-Challenged Diner Sues Restaurant Because He is Incredibly Stupid
Some guy who is smart enough to go through several years of college and become a doctor yet stupid enough to not know how to eat an artichoke is suing a restaurant in Miami for 'not teaching him how to eat it.' Houston's restaurant in Miami served him a complete artichoke, and rather than ask the waiter the best way to go about eating an artichoke, he instead opted to eat the whole thing like Charlie trying a pear for the first time. Unsurprisingly, the spiny vegetable arti-choked him (sorry for that) and caused some medical distress, so you know what that means. Time to sue!

Garbage Collectors are Now FBI Trained to Root Through Your Stuff Instead of Just Doing It Out of Boredom
Hat tip to This or That user 'cheech' (yep, that's the type of user we attract, and we're damn proud of it) for sending us this bit of news. Thousands of garbage collectors nationwide are being trained by police and former FBI agents to 'report suspicious activity,' which means the next time your garbage man makes fun of you for all of the empty boxes of Immodium AD he found in your trash, he can justify his snooping by saying it's to protect America.

The Golden Globes Are Really Scraping the Bottom of the Barrel with Their 2010 Nominations
Yesterday the Hollywood Foreign Press announced their nominations for the 68th annual Golden Globe awards. While some of the nominations seem like a no-brainer, others are a bit head-scratching and are making me think that they may need to rethink how some of the categories are structured so mainstream fare like 'Red' and 'The Tourist' aren't chosen to fill out the 'Comedy' section of Best Movie nominations.

2022 World Cup Host Not So Friendly with the Gays
Qatar was recently named the host country for the 2022 World Cup. Since that's eons away, the FIFA president figured he could make half-jokey remarks about homosexuals now since practically nobody will remember 12 years later, right? Right? ...What's that, he's ticked off a large international gay rights group? Oh no he di'in't!

Time Magazine Names Mark Zuckerberg Person of the Year, Ignites Controversy
Every year Time awards a Person of the Year and smacks his or her mug on the cover of their magazine. Since 1927 it's been mostly a sausage fest consisting of various political figures, with the rare bone thrown at females (with Queen Elizabeth II being the last singular female crowned way back in 1952), inanimate objects (the computer in 1982), and giant groupings of people ('you' in 2006). The 2010 pick has been announced today. Ladies and gentlemen, the Time Magazine Person of 2010 is...Mark Zuckerberg? Really?

Dear Christian Bale...
The Fighter, a movie starring Mark Wahlberg and Christian Bale, debuts December 17th. It's the story of a boxer named 'Irish' Mickey Ward, played by Wahlberg, and his drug addicted brother (Bale) who trains him. After seeing both the trailer for the film and promotional movie stills, one thing certainly sticks out like a gaunt, emaciated thumb. Bale's appearance made us recall some of his previous film roles, which then prompted us to draft up this open letter to one of the greatest and most dedicated actors in Hollywood:

Newly Released Movies Coming to the Comfort of Your Home for the Low Low Price of $20,000
If you're itching to see Burlesque in the theater but can't tear yourself away from polishing your Faberge egg collection, I have good news. A company called Prima Cinema aims to launch in 2011 and deliver movies to your home the same day they're released in theaters. The one teeny tiny catch? The system costs $20,000 to set up plus $500 for each movie you order. If your monocle did not pop out of your eye upon reading these astounding rates, this product is definitely for you because you're so rich you wear a monocle.

Best Example of Hypocrisy Ever: U.S. State Department Announces "World Press Freedom Day" While Trying to Shut Down WikiLeaks
The Bureau of Public Affairs has just issued a press release announcing that the United States will be hosting UNESCO's (the United Nations Educational, Scientific, and Cultural Organization) World Press Freedom Day May 1-3 in Washington, D.C. This announcement is completely laughable given the US government is doing everything it can to shut down WikiLeaks, a non-profit new media site that publishes anonymously submitted documents that expose unethical and illegal activity at the hands of governments, organizations, and businesses.

Nigeria Filing Charges Against Dick Cheney As Soon As You Send Over Your Bank Details
Nigeria plans to file charges against former Vice President and current haunter of children's dreams Dick Cheney for a $180 million bribery scandal. Within the next few days an arrest warrant will be issued for Cheney via Interpol. I'm guessing they just have to check the Old Country Buffets near his homes in Maryland, Wyoming, and Virginia at around 4 pm in order to find him.

Announcing Our New User Leaderboard at This or That!
Since we've launched This or That in June, we've been steadily tinkering with the site in order to provide you with a fun user experience that will bring you back again and again. You've probably noticed a few cosmetic changes and layout tweaks over the past few months, and yesterday we brought you another new feature to play with: user leaderboards!

Awesome Tattoo of the Week: Teen Mom Pride
Earlier this week we mentioned Amber from Teen Mom's recent legal troubles as she's currently facing felony charges of domestic violence. She's easily emerged as Teen Mom Public Enemy #1, a moniker she must have eagerly embraced with open arms because it's the only explanation for this horrifying tattoo of her daughter Leah that has exploded along the side of her Taco Bell digester:

Is a "Do Not Call" Equivalent Coming to the Web?
The FTC is proposing a 'Do Not Track' tool for the Internet that would prevent marketers from tracking users' online activity for advertising purposes. This proposal was outlined in a privacy report released today that 'lays out a broad framework for protecting consumer privacy both online and offline as personal data collection becomes ubiquitous.'

The Legal Troubles of Teen Mom and Blade
A couple of 'celebrities' have been in legal hot water lately...okay, celebrities are often getting arrested for various odds and ends, but here are two that are sort of worth mentioning. Popular-in-the-nineties actor Wesley Snipes is set to begin his three-year jail sentence for tax evasion, while 'reality TV famous' celebrity(?) Amber Portwood has received felony charges of domestic violence for beating on her baby daddy during episodes of MTV's Teen Mom.

Willie Nelson Arrested for Pot. In Other News, It's Monday.
Music icon Willie Nelson was busted in Texas over the weekend for marijuana possession. Apparently the perpetual pothead had six ounces of pot on him, which could land him between six months and two years in prison. Whoever follows Willie Nelson around to make pot busts must have the easiest job ever. If Snoop Dog lived in Texas, the local police's drug task unit would work less than the Transformers screenwriters.

R.I.P. Leslie Nielsen and Irvin Kershner
A director and a beloved actor, both with storied careers, died over the weekend. Irvin Kershner and Leslie Nielsen both passed away at the ripe old ages of 87 and 84, with Kershner succumbing to a 'long illness' and Nielsen dying from pneumonia. One's famous for directing Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back while the other made millions of people laugh with roles in Airplane! and The Naked Gun series.

Buffalo Bills Receiver Drops Pass, Blames God
Steve Johnson, a wide receiver for the Buffalo Bills, dropped a game-winning pass in overtime during Sunday night's game against Pittsburgh. Most players would chalk it up to bad luck or butter fingers, but Johnson opted to go a more unique route and instead launched a tirade against God on Twitter (because our Almighty has grown accustomed to receiving prayers in 140 characters in today's technology-driven world).

The TSA: Protecting You from Menstruating Women and Breast Milk
The TSA has been under a lot of scrutiny lately with the recent addition of backscatter machines at over 65 airports in the United States. Many travelers are uncomfortable with the unknown health risks associated with being exposed to the radiation from the machines, as well as the fact that a complete stranger can see the naked outline of your body. If you are randomly selected to use the backscatter machine and opt out, you're subjected to a pat down that many feel is invasive and uncomfortable.

This is Why You Don't Get Breast Exams in a Bar
Today's dose of weird news come from Idaho, where a woman was arrested for pretending to be a plastic surgeon and administering breast exams in bars and nightclubs. I would think the bigger crime is being dumb enough to trust someone in a bar claiming to be a doctor who wants to fondle your boobies, but unfortunately stupidity is only a social offense.

Worst PSA Ever
The Candie's Foundation is set up to 'shape the way young people in America think about teen pregnancy and parenthood' by '[using] celebrities that teens can relate to, in a style that speaks to teens on their own terms,' and what better and more relatable celebs than a skeezy reality TV star and the teen mom daughter of a punchline politician to star in a pro-abstinence PSA? Way to stay 'hip' and 'fresh' with your casting, Candie's. Oh, and also, way to push an agenda onto teenagers that doesn't work.

Get Ready to Fist Pump to Jersey Shore Reject's New Single
One of the more hated Jersey Shore cast members, Angelina, has recorded an autotuneariffic single called 'ImHot (and Grammatically Challenged).' Okay, I may have added the parenthetical part of the song title. Still, rudimentary grasp of the English language aside, you can't dispute the hotness of a desperate fame whore who uses trash bags in lieu of luggage, has slept with 75% of the male Jersey Shore cast, and left her used sanitary napkins strewn about the bathroom. Mmm, that girl is as hot as the burning sensation a gonorrhea victim experiences when urinating.

Is the Rachael Ray Show Rachael Raycist?
For some indiscernible reason, a lot of people like Rachael Ray. Maybe it's her Joker grin or her abrasive long-haul trucker voice, but either way, the Food Network chef, author, and talk show host has plenty of fans. Her daytime talk show (appropriately titled 'Rachael Ray'), however, has been under some scrutiny lately. First there's this ridiculous dress code requiring members of her audience to look like a Banana Republic mannequin, and now a complaint has surfaced that the show might be racist.

Professor Goes Apepoop Over Some Kid Yawning in Class
Some professor goes from 'Cool Prof' to 'Irate Teacher' during his lecture when he hears one of his students yawn too loudly. Apparently this noise pollution has been occurring during too many classes lately, and he's mad as hell and is not gonna take it any more. He threatens that his nasty side is just as bad as his nice side is nice. Hopefully that makes sense. Basically it's 'Oh, you want to disrupt my class, Yawny McYawnerson Well, two can play this game! LOUD NOISES!!!'

Douchebag Meanyface Calls Cops on Kids Selling Cupcakes in Park
Some joyless politician in New York called the police because two teenage boys were selling baked goods in the park without a permit. Dude, just because you're on the Atkins diet doesn't mean you have to be a butthole about other people enjoying delicious carbs. Besides, fad diets aren't recommended, anyway, so chill out and eat a scone.

Megamind Theater Audience Treated to a Little Saw 3D Action Instead
In 'Awesome and Hilarious if You Don't Have Kids' news, a screening of the PG-rated animated movie Megamind, featuring the voices of WIll Ferrell, Brad Pitt, and Tina Fey, was mistakenly swapped with the movie Saw 3D, the latest torture porn offering from the beating-a-dead-horse Saw franchise. Considering that the opening minutes of the horror film depict two men arguing about whether they should save their mutual lover before deciding to let her get sawed in half and have her innards spill all over the place (and presumably out towards the audience since this is in glorious 3D), I'm guessing the kids in the audience have some lovely nightmare fuel that should carry them through Christmas.

Tina Fey's Anti-Palin Comments Edited Out of Acceptance Speech
Comedy writer and actress Tina Fey recently received the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, yet PBS's Sunday night broadcast of the event seemed to censor some of her less-than-positive remarks about former Alaska governor and Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin. Despite the broadcast's executive producer insisting the edits weren't politically motivated, based on what was taken out of Fey's speech, you can't help but wonder if they intentionally did it to avoid controversy.

Pretend to Care Moment of the Week: The Beatles are Now on iTunes
Apple's been teasing a big iTunes announcement, so when they unveiled that The Beatles' catalog is finally available for download, the expected fanfare was, uh, nonexistent. The Beatles holdout went on for so long that most of us said 'Eff it' and either digitized their CDs or downloaded tracks from Pirate Bay or other sources. It seems embarrassingly late to the party for Apple to make such a big fuss about finally offering The Beatles in their library when they could have just issued a press release and gone about their merry way.

Facebook Continues Its Quest for Internet Domination By Offering New Messaging System
Rumors had been circulating that Facebook had been developing a "Gmail killer" codenamed Project Titan. Today, their secret project has finally been unveiled, and it's indeed a new messaging system. This new "modern" messaging system combines regular email, Facebook messages, instant messages, and SMS into one giant ball of messagey goodness. Also, it doesn't seem to be a "Gmail killer" so much as a "Gmail integrater," which is a smart way to get users to spend even more time on Facebook instead of going to other sites or, heaven forbid, venturing outside and interacting with the real world.

Man Forced to Eat His Own Beard, Then Instructed to Quit Hitting Himself
A dude in Kentucky has a belly full of whiskers and a heart full of vengeance after a couple of bullies cut off his beard and forced him to eat it during a tractor sale gone awry. This is a far better tractor story than the one Jerry's girlfriend shared on Seinfeld, although I'd much rather eat a beard than consume a chili made out of my own parents.

Call of Duty: Black Ops Killing Productivity Nationwide
The newest game in the Call of Duty franchise was released on Tuesday. You may have seen commercials for it on TV, especially the one where Kobe Bryant and Jimmy Kimmel are shooting up a storm because apparently there's 'a soldier in all of us.' I don't know how I'd feel about Kobe being in my Black Ops squad. I picture him hogging all the ammo and taking 5 shots for every target he actually hits.

Stranded Carnival Cruise Passengers Finally Get to Stop Playing Shuffleboard and Doing Macarena
A disabled Carnival cruise ship left passengers stranded for three days without power, running toilets, and with limited food. The ship contained about 4,500 passengers and crew members and ended up adrift 55 miles off the coast of Punta San Jacinto after an engine fire effectively wiped out everyone's happy fun time in one fell swoop. Today the castaways have finally returned to San Diego and were able to step foot on land. No word on whether a few years from now one of the haggard passengers will try to rally up the other survivors and insist that they have to go back. /stupidlostreference

Bibliophiles and Pedophiles Can Molest Two Birds with One Stone at Amazon.com
Do you have a penchant for both little kids and the written word? If so, you're in luck, because Amazon.com is now selling a self-published book that defends pedophilia and offers advice to pedophiles who are "afraid at becoming the center of retaliation." Titled " The Pedophile's Guide to Love and Pleasure: a Child-lover's Code of Conduct" and written by Philip R. Greaves, it's currently available for the Kindle (because pedos are all about being on the cutting edge of technology).

5 Companies That Make Facebook Look Like the Diet Coke of Evil
Facebook has been in the news a lot lately -- not only is The Social Network raking in big box office bucks (over $132 million worldwide thus far) as well as critical acclaim for depicting the back-stabbing origins of one of the fastest growing websites in history, they've also been scrutinized for handing user information over to advertisers and for privacy setting concerns. Everyone's all too keen to hold a magnifying glass over Facebook and watch the company squirm. Tech companies as a whole get the word 'evil' thrown around all-too often, which is pretty eye-rolling considering the truly evil corporations that exist.

Really, Bush? The Lowest Point of Your Presidency Was When Kanye Dissed You?
Former President George W. Bush has a memoir coming out, and he recently sat down with Matt Lauer to promote his book. During the interview, he revealed that the lowest moment of his presidency was during the Hurricane Katrina television fundraiser when Kanye West said, 'George Bush doesn't care about black people.' Really? That's the lowest point of your entire presidency, getting your feelings hurt by a self-absorbed rapper who has diamonds for teeth?

Not This Again: Another Internet-Inspired TV Show is Coming Your Way
Recently CNN reported that ABC is developing a TV show based on the website Awkward Family Photos. Did the network really look at the crapfest known as Sh*t My Dad Says on CBS and get so jealous that they had to find another one-joke concept online and attempt to stretch it into a weekly occurring series? If so, I'm assuming the winter lineup will include This is Why You're Fat on NBC and I Can Has Cheezburger on Fox.

11 People I'd Want to Survive a Zombie Apocalypse With
Admit it, each one of you has had your thoughts drift towards a hypothetical zombie outbreak. Plenty of movies have depicted the horror and mayhem of a zombie apocalypse, thus providing you with essential survival do's and don'ts (assuming you've done your homework and watched the films, of course). After watching more than my fair share of zombie movies, I've assembled an all-star list of people I'd want with me to survive a zombie outbreak. Below are my top 11 picks.

Chatroulette Ruined by a Couple of Dicks
If you're unfamiliar with Chatroulette, it's a site that lets you randomly surf onto someone with a webcam so you can chat and interact with each other. It's a great, innovative concept that took chat boards and instant messaging to a whole new level...until the site got inundated by dudes flashing their wangs. A lot of dudes. And a lot of dude-nudity (dudeity?). Leave it to the Internet to ruin a good thing with wieners.

Announcing the Grand Prize Winner of Our 10 Days of ToTs Twitter Contest!
Well, it's Monday, folks, and you know what that means. It's time to announce who won a Macbook Pro for participating in our 10 Days of ToTs Twitter Contest! We had over 4,700 entries for the grand prize, not to mention a bunch of comparisons created, but I'll break down the stats and slam you with some interesting factoids tomorrow. For now, let's unveil the winner!

10 Days of ToTs Day 9 and 10 Recap
It's our last contest recap (minus our big grand prize winner reveal, of course)! As our 10 Days of ToTs Twitter Contest drew to a close, we saw an influx of comparisons and entries, making it difficult to pick the final two iPod Touch winners. Ultimately, we had to whittle it down and crown our two favorites. Here are our picks from the final two days of our contest:

10 Days of ToTs Day 7 and 8 Recap
Our 10 Days of ToTs Twitter Contest has officially ended, but we still have some unfininshed business; nameley, finishing our contest recaps and picking some winners. We'll announce our final iPod Touch winners today and our Macbook Pro grand prize winner on Monday, but for now, here's a rundown of some of the great ToTs you all created on days 7 and 8 of our contest.

10 Days of ToTs Day 5 and 6 Recap
We're nearing the end of our 10 Days of ToTs Twitter Contest, but there have been plenty of comparisons that have been distracting us all from doing anything remotely productive. Below is a recap of some of the best ToTs days 5 and 6 had to offer.

10 Days of ToTs Day 3 and 4 Recap
Sorry for the slight delay in getting this post up! We had some technical difficulties yesterday, as you may have noticed, which prevented me from publishing the Day 3 recap. Oh well, no worries, I'll just mega-size the summaries like I did for Day 1 and 2. We had some more fantastic ToTs constructed by our devoted and creative users, once again making it hard to pick the winners. Below are our favorites as well as our Day 3 and 4 iPod Touch champs.

10 Days of ToTs Day 1 and 2 Recap
We're midway through Day 3 of our 10 Days of ToTs Twitter contest, and so far we've gotten some great participation and some really awesome ToTs. I thought I'd share some of the best comparisons our users have created thus far, as well as recapping our winners thus far.

The McRib is Returning to Hit Your Arteries with Nostalgia
McDonald's recently confirmed on Twitter that they are indeed bringing back the McRib sandwich, America's favorite ground pork patty slathered in sugary barbecue sauce, limp onions, and soggy pickles. Prepare to have nostalgia punch you in the gut and fill you with heartburn and regret, because this bad boy is coming to a Micky D's near you on November 2nd. The sammich originally debuted in 1981, meaning it's plenty old enough to rent a car but will probably have to pay an extra cleaning fee for removing the barbecue sauced fingerprints all over the interior.

Introducing Our First Contest: 10 Days of ToTs on Twitter!
You may have noticed that recently we redesigned the look and feel of This or That (again -- we sure do like to redecorate around here!). Part of the reason for the redesign was to create a more fun user experience, and the other reason was so we could bring you awesome entertainment in the form of contests, tournaments, and more. And wouldn't you know it, Contest Numero Uno has just been unveiled and is currently underway -- it's the 10 Days of ToTs contest on Twitter!

Gap's New Logo Makes Old Navy Look Like Haute Couture
The marketing geniuses at Gap must not have been following the Tropicana logo disaster from last year, because they've gone ahead and redesigned their famously simple and classic logo and it's drawn more criticism than jean shorts on men (or 'jorts,' as they're so appropriately coined). The company debuted the new logo design on their website and instantly unleashed a floodgate of Haterade from designers, bloggers, journalists, and people with eyes.

I Like It Desperate for Attention
Back in January of this year, many females on Facebook mysteriously began to update their statuses with nothing but a color. 'Red.' 'Black.' 'Nude.' 'Pink.' People were befuddled as to what the colors could mean, but ultimately the secret was revealed: ladies were posting the color of the bra they were wearing in order to raise awareness for breast cancer research. Now females are attempting to pull the cutesy-vague status update trick again, only this time it's even stupider and has no actual logical tie to breast cancer.

Screw the Environment, Those Loud-Ass Sun Chips Bags Gotsta Go!
Not too long ago Sun Chips, those tasty multigrain crisps manufactured by Frito-Lay, switched their packaging to a biodegradable bag that was 100% compostable. Environmentalists praised the company for creating an eco-friendly, plant-derived form of packaging. There was only one problem with the bag: it was noisy as hell. Apparently consumers favor quiet time more than saving the planet, as Sun Chips sales dropped 11% in the 18 months since Frito-Lay unveiled the new packaging. The result? Bye-bye, biodegradable bags.

Man Kicks Atkins Corpse in the Junk, Plans to Eat Only Potatoes for 60 Days
Chris Voigt, the head of the Washington State Potato Commission, is tired of his beloved spuds being the Rodney Dangerfield of the vegetable world. To prove that potatoes aren't bad for you, he plans to eat nothin' but spuds for 60 days straight. Before you get excited about how potentially (or potassiumly, amirite guys?) delicious that sounds, Voight went out of his way to point out that he won't add anything to the potatoes other than seasonings, spices and oil.

Tour de France Winner Scores a Positive Doping Test, Blames Meat
Alberto Contador, the 27-year old Spaniard who won the 2010 Tour de France, has recently tested positive for doping and has been suspended by the UCI, professional cycling's governing body. His excuse for the positive tests? Contaminated meat. According to Contador, during one of Tour rest days, he ate meat that had crossed the border from Spain to France and believes that the meat was contaminated and is the reason why a small concentration of the banned substance clenbuterol appeared in his urine samples in July.

Is Your Life Worth $93,000?
Cancer is a terrible disease, and eradicating it from the body comes at a hefty price. While most treatments can cost upwards of $100k a year, the Associated Press reports that a new kind of drug therapy is available for the low low price of $93,000. The drug, called Provenge, can reportedly add 'four months' survival, on average, for men with incurable prostate tumors.'

British Business Owner Segways into the Afterlife
James Heselden, the British businessman who owns the company who manufactures the Segway, accidentally rode one off a cliff and died yesterday. For those of you not in the know, a Segway is a two-wheeled 'vehicle' that makes people who ride it look like total dweebasauruses. Heselden reportedly fell 30 feet off a cliff into the River Wharfe. Although he rode a Segway to his death, he wasn't the inventor of the product. That honor goes to Dean Kamen, who founded the company in New Hampshire in 1999. Heselden bought Segway in December 2009. Bet he doesn't at all regret that purchase decision.

Katy Perry Too Sexy for Sesame Street -- This Post Brought to You By the Letters 'T' and 'A'
Future Ms. Russell Brand and 'I Kissed a Girl for Attention' (or however it goes) pop star Katy Perry recently recorded a version of 'Hot and Cold' alongside Elmo for an episode of Sesame Street. However, once the version spread across the Internet, a lot of parents voiced complaints of Ms. Perry looking too boobalicious for the children's show.

Is Angelina Jolie an 'Iconic Beauty'?
MSN.com put out a list of 'the most iconic beauties of all time.' Their list (in bloated slideshow format, of course) includes nearly 40 women who have, in their words, achieved 'icon status.' Among the standards you'd expect (Helen of Troy, Cleopatra, Audrey Hepburn, Marilyn Monroe) are a few eyebrow-raising modern choices that include Halle Berry, Cindy Crawford, and Brooke Shields. Among the more debatable choices for being labeled an 'iconic beauty' is none other than Angelina Jolie. I get the whole 'look at those giant lips' thing, but would you consider Angelina Jolie to be an iconic beauty?

Gambler Kills Himself While on Cruise, Presumably After Hitting the Buffet One Last Time
I always thought that on-cruise suicides would be caused by Speed 2 being chosen for Movie Night, but some Chinese guy had to go and prove me wrong. The 51-year old man reportedly flung himself off the deck of the ship after he lost a whopping $386,000 in the on-board casino. I'd like to optimistically think that instead of taking his own life, he was merely recreating the end of Titanic and was acting as the diamond necklace the squeaky old lady drops into the ocean.

Entitled College Student Mad Because Steve Jobs Trolled Her
A journalism student from Long Island University is all butt-hurt because Steve Jobs was mean to her via email. Techcrunch is uncertain how legit this whole story is, so while they're doing their fact-checking, I'll fill you in on the alleged details. The student attempted to contact Apple's Media Relations department to get a quote for an article she's writing. When she didn't hear back from the department, she took it upon herself to email Steve Jobs himself (whose email address is pretty widely known) with an incredibly entitled message.

Hey Vegetarians, That Secret Ingredient in Your Tasty Dish Might Be Meaty Goodness
The Food Network recently surveyed chefs across the country to get the dirt on stuff a chef would never tell you. Among the tidbits you expect (restaurants have roaches! Chefs hate picky eaters!) is a somewhat surprising (but funny to a meat eater) revelation that 15% of chefs admitted that their vegetarian options aren't always completely vegetarian.

Everyone Needs to Calm the Eff Down About the Gabourey Sidibe Elle Cover
Gabourey Sidibe, the portly star from Precious, is on the cover of Elle Magazine, and it's sparked some stupid controversy by people who have nothing better to do than rabble rabble until they're blue in the face. Elle released four magazine covers highlighting different actresses in their mid-20's: Lauren Conrad, Megan Fox (the word 'actress' used loosely for these two girls), Amanda Seyfried, and Ms. Sidibe. People immediately played the 'one of these things is not like the other' Sesame Street game with the covers:

6 Potential Fragrances Created by Lady Gaga
Apparently it's a Lady Gaga news week. First she turns meat into high fashion, and now reports are surfacing of her signing a long-term licensing deal with Coty Inc. to create a line of fragrances. Her first 'women's scent' should launch in spring 2012. Perfect timing -- there's no better way to celebrate the rumored apocalypse than by drenching yourself in Lady Gaga's musk.

John Mayer No Longer Thinks Twitter is a Wonderland
Singer/songwriter/token white dude John Mayer has deleted his Twitter account, following in the footsteps of Miley Cyrus and Tila Tequila every other week. His 3.7 million followers are likely holding a vigil and playing 'Waiting on the World to Change' on repeat until he returns.

Lady Gaga Likes Her Meat Dress RAW RAW AH AH AH
A week after Lady Gaga raised eyebrows (and the ire of animal rights activists) by posing for Japanese Vogue magazine in a raw meat bikini, she's stepped up her beefy game and accepted an MTV video music award wearing a dress constructed from raw meat. I'm less shocked by the ensemble and more surprised that Mariah Carey didn't devour her.

Ron Artest Plans to Sell Championship Ring After Assaulting It
NBA player Ron Artest wants to sell the championship ring he won with the Lakers last season to raise money for putting more therapists in public schools. It's the latest in a string of bizarre behavior for the forward, who has made headlines numerous times for his brawls, odd sound bytes, and facepalmy music career.

Will Smith's 9-Year Old Daughter Lands Album Deal with Nepotism Records
Jay-Z has signed Will Smith's daughter, Willow (groan) to a record deal under Roc Nation and Columbia Records. The 9-year old already debuted a single called 'Whip My Hair' that sounds like your typical generic pop song, complete with overproduced autotune and sampling.

Florida Pastor Wants to Commemorate 9/11 By Burning Quran
Anti-Muslim sentiments sure have been reaching new heights lately. First we have ire over a proposed mosque being built close to Ground Zero, and now some pastor in Florida by the name of Terry Jones wants to 'commemorate' the upcoming anniversary of the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center by burning copies of the Quran. I'd hate to see how he celebrates the Fourth of July -- instead of lighting sparklers, he probably goes around punching British people in the face.

I Am Tired of These Motherf**king Smugglers in These Motherf**king Headlines
About a month and a half ago we brought you news of a man who was caught smuggling 18 titi monkeys from Pero to Mexico City. Now it seems as if Samuel L. Jackson's biggest fan wanted to pay homage to the Bad Muthaf**ka the only way he knew how: by smuggling 97 snakes onto a flight.

Duke Nukem Forever Rumored to Be Finished for Umpteenth Time
The Wall Street Journal is reporting that Duke Nukem Forever, a game that has been developed for the past thirteen years, is finally rumored to be nearing completion and will be released next year. The intended sequel has taken so long that they might as well brand it as a reboot at this point since those have been so damn popular lately.

5 Things You Always Hear on a Reality TV Show
Reality television has become a pretty standard form of entertainment nowadays, but after over a decade of the format, we've seen quite a bit of repetition, especially when it comes to what's uttered by contestants and 'stars.' Here are 5 words or phrases you've definitely heard on a reality TV show.

Lox Like NYC Tap Water Isn't Kosher
A reddit user recently uploaded photos of microscopic shrimp found in New York City tap water after he analyzed it through a microscope. These little buggers are called copepods, which keep water clear by eating mosquito larvae. They're totally harmless and obviously tasteless, but the problem is that they're technically not kosher. Sorry, giant Orthodox Jewish population in NYC!

Pittsburgh Steelers Player's Hair Insured for $1 Million
Every now and then you hear a story about some crazy celebrity who's had a body part insured for some obscene amount of money. There's the old rumor that Jennifer Lopez insured her butt for $1 million, Mariah Carey insuring her meaty legs for a billion, and various singers protecting their voice with a high-paying policy. Now reports have surfaced that Head & Shoulders has insured Pittsburgh Steelers safety Troy Polamalu's hair for a cool million.

Facebook Sues Teachbook, Plans to Go After Your Actual Face Next
Facebook seems to have emerged as the type of bully who will walk by you in the cafeteria and deliberately knock your tray out of your hands while saying 'WHOOPS.' Their latest form of jerkitude involves filing a lawsuit against a teacher startup called Teachbook that hasn't even launched a website yet. Way to be preemptive with your jackassery, Facebook!

New Digg Launches, and It's Buggy as Hell
Social news site Digg recently launched a new interface, and it's breaking like crazy. Not the best way to showcase a new and improved website. I've already come across a few errors that I've showcased below.

Enough with the Superhero Reboots Already
X-Men debuted in theaters in 2000, and since then just about any major superhero you can think of has been adapted into a movie. We've had three X-Men movies (plus a Wolverine spin-off), three Spider-man movies, two Fantastic Four movies, two Iron Man movies, a Daredevil, an Elektra, plus plenty more in the pipeline (Thor, the Green Lantern, Captain America). Not only have studios churned out multiple superhero movies each year, they've now resorted to 'rebooting' existing franchises as if moviegoers are trapped in a cruel Groundhog Day-esque universe.

Nail Salon Tries to Charge Portly Customers a Fat Tax
A nail salon in Georgia tried to charge an overweight woman $5 extra for her day of pampering because of her girth. Apparently the salon had been having problems with fat customers exceeding the 200-lb weight limit for the pedicure chairs, and since the chairs cost $2,500 to repair, they tried to recoup the costs by charging fat ladies an extra five bucks to get the cheese scraped off their feet.

J. Lo Looking for Assistant Who is Willing to Be Paid in Taco-Flavored Kisses
Life & Style reports that Jennifer Lopez is looking to hire a personal assistant who is willing to do a ridiculous amount of work for a pretty sad salary. If you can iron 45 pairs of white hot pants while listening to 'Waiting for Tonight' on repeat and endure all 121 minutes of Gigli without dry heaving, you've made it atop the short list of candidates insane enough to actually want this position.

Are You Experiencing 3-D Burnout?
Right now the movie theater closest to me is playing 4 out of 9 movies in 3-D: Cats & Dogs, The Revenge of Kitty Galore, Despicable Me, Step Up 3-D, and Toy Story 3. Ever since Avatar shoved blue alien smurfs in our faces, more and more movies are coming out in 3-D to cash in on both the trend and the higher ticket price. However, with more studios cutting corners by converting their films into 3-D instead filming in it, are moviegoers quickly going to experience 3-D burnout?

Is It Time to Say Sayonara to Foursquare?
You may be familiar with Foursquare, a social networking service that enables users to check into various locations, unlock badges, and leave tips and notes about places for other users. It launched in March 2009 and has been growing stealthily since then, amassing 2.5 million users so far. Just when it seemed as if Foursquare was rapidly approaching the tipping point into the Next Big Social Thing, Internet Goliath Facebook announced a check-in service that sounds suspiciously similar to Foursquare (and by 'suspiciously similar,' I mean 'exactly the same').

Happy "A Dingo Ate My Baby" Anniversary!
Yesterday marks the 30th anniversary of an Australian woman allegedly getting her baby stolen by a baby in the Outback (not of the Steakhouse variety -- if it were, the dingo would probably make off with a bloomin' onion instead). The mother, Lindy Chamberlain-Creighton, 'celebrated' the anniversary by posting an open letter on her website asking for her daughter's death certificate to be updated with 'dingo' as the cause of death.

Thing You Hate Attacked By Other Thing You Hate
Tila Tequila recently booked an appearance at the 'Gathering of the Juggalos' in Illinois, a concert put on by uber-craptacular Detroit 'band' Insane Clown Posse. She was shocked to find that her cutesy-desperate-sexy-no-discernible-skills-whatsoever didn't win over a crowd of delinquents who idolize two fat old white guys in clown makeup. The mob threw rocks, bottles, and feces at her while she was on stage, and they didn't let up when she took her top off, proclaimed that she wasn't going anywhere, and started singing.

Pointless Starbucks War of Words Erupts Over a Bagel
It's the a-hole standoff of the week! In this corner, an English professor who has nothing better to do with her time than act like a total doucher to a part-time Starbucks employee. In the opposite corner, a barista who refused to get over the fact that the customer was being a butt and wouldn't back down.