I don't think I'm welcome in the Sober Valley Lodge. I threaten the porn stars. and by "Threaten" I mean, with violence and with my hotness.

Okay! this is working again! the Juice fast...Do it. it was rad. My skin was shiny and I was able to concentrate and focus better after too. I also lost 5 pounds.

I'm in Facebook rehab. Download my profile, about to block the ip address. The shakes are ok but I wish the vomiting would stop.

I had a little help but i think if you view the source code for the nirvana/foo fighers TOT you can see the tables that Matt used.

Fabulous! I will!

HI! I'm great, I'm in the middle of a juice fast and I'm a little delirious . No if you'll excuse me I need to take care of the little zebra at the end of my desk. She just crapped on my phone and is whining to go for more carrot juice. How Are you?

Thanks. ActionBoyfriend took that. No recent birthday but I turned 40 back in December. I'm still accepting gifts though.

Meanwhile I have to walk to Starbucks like an asshole. That's it. I'm not answering her texts anymore.

No, there is unicorn semen everywhere!

Ok, but that bitch Gaga stole my Egg shaped Litter and all my slaves for the Grammy awards and didn't even bring me a gift bag.

No little peeps here. Furry babies only. And the boyfriend he's like a baby sometimes.

Added these to my amazon wish list: http://www.amazon.com/Leopard-Sandals-Womens-Slides-Penthouse/dp/B002HA19D8/ref=reg_hu-rd_add_1_dp_T2 but didn't order anything. Some uptight witch said leopard was "last year" And oh my goodness how cute are you and your kid?

You earned it Baby. Great post.

Oh bless you sir. I had an image fail moment.

Oh for Pete's sake! Well alrighty then.

That's because you're not buying "Snarki-bitz" cereal. It has 2 scoops of broken glass in every box. It's part of a balanced breakfast of bitter black coffee and generic cigarettes.

Actually it's Passive Aggressive Patty. She's a total bitch.

BASTARD!

Nope. Not when I've got this fly leopard print cape and matching boots. Faux leopard only.

No! the wings are delicious. Try them with the sauce.

The special cocktail of antidepressants, behavioral meds, and sugar free red bull keep me operating at optimum efficiency. According to science I feel great!!

Can't wait to read them. Keep them coming!

Ohh, sounds like there's a story here. Short answer, yes. Anonymity brings out the absolute worst in people. Are you ok-ish?

Congrats on that by the way. It was great. It totally pissed me off.

ha! Thanks!

I'm only as funny as the material. You set yourself up for it, baby.

I thought it was only called that in prison.

Tits. Serious fucking business.

That some girl slapped the shit out of you for trying to see her sideboob. then you apologized and said she had a better cans that Betty Ruble and asked her out for a donut. then she slapped you again.

Fabulous! My cat brought me a squirrel foot this morning which is either her way of saying "You're a shitty hunter" or "Here eat this you're too thin!" I'm going with the second one. How are you?

Oh I don't know. You did read my last answer about the poop, right?

That means 38% of people don't know the joys of a good morning deuce.

you are a gentleman, sir.

Fashion and a semi-quick wit. But I've really told you too much already .

Oh I'm an effing superhero, baby! Wherever there is a woman who has no idea how to accessorize for a 5 o'clock wedding...I'll be there. Whenever a teenage girl is in danger of dressing to slutty for a job interview...I'll be there. Where ever e divorced lady is about to go speed dating and needs a tasteful dress that says "take me home and do me like my loser ex never did!"...I'll be there.

Freedom By Johnathan Franzen which was boring as hell. Before that I read The Road by Cormac McCarthy which was great.

I read your sentence with an upward inflection on the last word so in my head, it sounded like a question. but don't make me do that again. :p

I go into the bakery down the street and order a black coffee and a giant mocha made with whole milk, extra chocolate, fresh whipped cream and caramel drizzled over the top. With it I select a cinnamon roll larger than my face that is coated with white sugary frosting and fresh out of the oven. I go to a table outside and sit and inhale deeply and then give everything but the black coffee to my boyfriend because he can eat like a starving shark and not gain a pound, the asshole.

If Justin keeps his fricken mouth shut and does what I tell him, sure. I'm down.

Well the pact I made with Satan has really been a boost for me. And I don't drink or smoke. (105 is my fake Facebook birthday. the real number is closer to 40)

Cats are hateful and snotty. I effing love cats!

Telegraph.

Can't bike in the snow.

Paris, That Lilo bitch gave up my blow to the cops and owes me a pair of pants!