Politics

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The new terror alert is so boring, it's making this baby yawn.
Why Should the New Terror Alert Be So Boring?
Back in January 2003, the Department of Homeland Security started posting this really boring method of telling people how dangerous it was to fly at any given time. This was a five color code that hasn't done much for travelers. The news is always talking about some terrorist threat so the color has been stuck at either orange (high risk of terrorist attack) or red (severe risk of terrorist attack) The problem with this system (besides its massively boring structure) is that it doesn't ...
"The Don" Claims to Be Pro-Life, Yet is in Favor of a Right to Privacy
Hey Donald Trump, I'm going to give you a little pro-tip. If you are going to embrace the party of no grey areas and no nuance, you aren't allowed to them put out a position that might actually require a bit of nuance. Granted, claiming that Donald Trump's position on the right to life and privacy is nuanced and not just contradictory is sort of like claiming that Barry Bonds' skull simply hit a growth spurt right about the same time he began blasting over 60 home runs a season....

8 Statements About Senator Jon Kyl That Aren't Intended as Factual Statements
The men and women of the United State Congress recently averted a federal government shutdown. With only minutes to spare, they agreed on a budget and decided to leave the age-old question of whether or not teenagers and low-income women should be allowed to have access to birth control and medical treatment for another day. We elected these people for a reason. Some strong words were said during the cluster!%$& that was Prelude to a Shutdown and emotions were running high. Now that we have...

"Birther" Bachmann? Surprisingly Not!
Michele Bachmann has become quite the incredulous quote machine lately. Some of her greatest hits include: At the Western Conservative Summit in Denver about the "evils" of the Obama administration, July 9, 2010: "We will talk a little bit about what has transpired in the last 18 months and would we count what has transpired into turning our country into a nation of slaves." On health care reform, August 2009: "This cannot pass. What we have to do today is make a ...

Not Enough Black Candidates Pass Police Test, So DOJ Says "Hey, Just Lower the Passing Score!"
The Department of Justice has ordered the Dayton, Ohio Police Department to lower their testing standards to increase the number of eligible black candidates. The passing scores on the two-part test went from 66% and 72% to 58% and 63%, respectively. "Paw, why would they do that?" "Well, Billy, when one particular group doesn't do as well on a test, somebody's going to complain. So the government steps in and lowers the standards, because that's the easiest and ...

Just Run for President Already!
Donald Trump has announced a date to announce the date that he will announce that he will run for president. What? It's politics as usual for the Republican presidential field that, like many before them, refuses to admit they are running for president. Of the many faces you never-endingly see on TV trying to maneuver their way to the head of some issue started by some conservative blogger somewhere, none have announced they are running for president. Some have announced that they have...

5 Ways the US States are Cracking Down on Women's Rights
Ever since the Republicans returned to power in the House of Representative and in states all over the country, they have been pushing for "smaller government." This small government apparently involves cuts only to the programs they are ideologically opposed to and increases government meddling in people's lives. Not the least of Big Brother's concerns is the fact that women are largely able to go and terminate a pregnancy all over the country for a variety of reasons from ...

The Top 5 Republican Presidential Candidates (And Why America Should Be Terrified)
Before I delve into this topic, I wanted to warn readers they may want to hide their children's eyes because this list is truly one of the more terrifying This or That has ever displayed. With the 2012 presidential race creeping ever closer, an epic battle is being waged between incumbent Barack Obama (D-Kenya, Muslimland) and a host of opponents from Congress, Governorships, and various insane asylums. The Republican field truly looks more and more like something Aaron Sorkin would create ...

Little Love From Home Crowd for 2012 GOP Candidates
Some Republican voters are apparently as energized as any given empty stadium about their party's Presidential hopefuls. According to a new ABC News/Washington Post poll, less than 50 percent of Republicans and Republican-leaning independents think positively of the current 2012 field, a drastic decline considering that the field from four years ago had the approval of almost two-thirds of GOP voters. GOP reaction to these faces: *sigh* Mitt Romney was the only candidate to break ...

Arizona Birther Bill So Bad Even Governor Can't Stomach It
How do you know when a bill is truly poorly written? Is it when you are unwilling to accept any number of perfectly legal documents like a certificate of live birth as proof of citizenship but you will accept a baptism certificate? Or is it when one of the worst governors the country can vomit up actually decides to veto it? Arizona has led the charge when it comes to crazy, racist, and just plain dumb legislation over the last couple of years and their birther bill was no exception. Even Jan ...

Bachmann Versus Palin: A Crazy "Squirmish"
With Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin both being tossed around as potential GOP candidates in 2012, I thought it made sense to pit the two "real Americans" in a head to head showdown. Both political figures are known for saying some ridiculously dumb stuff, but when it comes to a no-holds-barred quote off, it's actually hard to tell which one's the crazier candidate. On The Environment "Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn't even one study ...

Will the Sexes Ever Be Equal? Dame Judi Dench & 007 Weigh In
Dame Judi Dench and your current Bond extraordinaire (aka Daniel Craig) have a thing or two to say to you chauvinists, and like any well-seasoned media veterans, they know putting a guy in drag is a great way to get their point across. In the video, posted here below for your ogling pleasure, the great Dame (not to be confused with a Great Dane) narrates as Daniel Craig femmes it up in honor of Women's History Month. "Are we equals?" Dame Judi asks. "Until the answer is...

No Party? No Problem for The Donald!
Two of the common hurdles frequently faced by independent candidates for office are a lack of name recognition and the inability to run a well-financed campaign that's enjoyed by those running with a D or R by their name. If he doesn't win the Republican nomination for President next year, supreme lord of media whores real estate tycoon and reality TV host Donald Trump would face no such obstacles. Trump told the Wall Street Journal on Monday that he would "probably" run ...

If you pass the PC test, you don't have to go to the reeducation camp!
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5 Examples of Political Correctness Gone Too Far
No one sacrifices more doves on the altar of political correctness than I do. Many a night do I spend nuzzling warmly against Lady PC's bosom as she whispers to me her secrets and brushes my tangled hair. But even I have to admit that sometimes political correctness is taken too far. At the very least, more important issues, such as bringing an end to baby snatching, should be addressed first. These 5 are my favorite examples of PCness run amok. 1. Photographic Diversity We've ...

Everyone Deserves Blame for California’s State Budget Woes
There is a fight currently taking place over who is more culpable to the perilous plight pillaging The Golden State of its place as the eighth-largest economy in the world. It is worthy of the dulcet tones of Mr. Michael Buffer: "In this corner, weighing in with a collective ego the size of Lady Gaga's wardrobe truck, the California political leadership! In the other corner, they are lethargic as an average Survivor contestant after day 5, the voters of California! And now, for the ...

The Life and Times of Glenn Beck: The Top Moments of America's Favorite Lunatic
What better way to celebrate the end of Glenn's career than by counting down his best moments? The announcement came last week that Glenn Beck's show circus would no longer be broadcast on FOX News on a day-to-day basis. News Corp made it formal that Glenn Beck might come back to do a few documentaries and specials, but he wouldn't even be given the honor of sticking around with Billo or another wacky member for a part-time gig. Glenn hung out with Bill O'Reilly on the latest...

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