Who Does the Republican Congress Hate More?

Posted on by JohnG (JohnG)
URL for sharing: http://thisorth.at/1du3
We, the new Republican/Tea Party majority of the U.S. Congress, aren't just about repealing health care reform. We want to fix the economy, and we hereby pledge to create jobs and balance the budget. We know just how to do it, too -- rape the environment and make life harder for women who've been literally raped.

For starters, we'll cut all funding for the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, because if we don't study the problem, maybe it will just go away.

And... problem solved.

Global warming: solved. Jobs created: sure, somehow. And since we don't have to worry about climate change anymore, we might as well save a few bucks by cutting funding for the EPA, and actively prevent it from doing its job while we're at it. With our environmental problems solved, we won't need to pursue alternatives to airplane and SUV-based transportation, so further savings can be had by refusing investments in High Speed Rail.

Oil is still cheap and infinite, right?

Don't worry, Republican concern for the environment even extends to such thorny issues as wasteful styrofoam cups and outdated, grossly inefficient incandescent light bulbs. That's right, we're in favor of them both.

So, while we're defunding things, let's add Planned Parenthood to the list. Because nothing kills jobs like access to family planning and contraception. Now, you might have to be an economist to understand the next step, but pay attention and I'll walk you through. The first part is a no-brainer -- let's legally redefine rape (everyone knows it's not rape if you're drugged). Then, if said not-rape results in a pregnancy that turns out to be life-threatening to the mother, we'll leave it up to the doctor's conscience to decide whether it's worth it to save her life with an abortion (because if you can't save both, why save one?) Then, if the doctor does provide an abortion, maybe it should be legal to kill him or her also. Sounds complicated, but when you realize that the extra deaths will create new job openings, it all makes sense.

Pictured: job security.

And what better way to grow the economy than to add new workers? Across our great nation, millions of children languish in unemployment.

Look at them just languishing.

Our desire to cease funding PBS and to refuse funds for education may sound harsh, but those kids won't have time for school -- let alone watching Sesame Street -- once we repeal child labor laws. And with a combination of increased mortality among women and doctors and repealing minimum wage laws, employers will soon be eager to offer our nation's children exciting opportunities to learn the value of a dollar (for instance, one or two of them per hour) while contributing to America's economic growth.

Your Republican controlled congress -- protecting the (business) environment and putting America to work.

You're welcome.

Who does the Republican Congress hate more?

1687 views & 11 votes

Debate It! 3

I think they actively hate Women and Children. They fail to acknowledge the environment even exists...

Posted By chrisgoddard,

Since one could say that the environment = "Mother Nature," I'm going to say women and children.

Posted By KristaWrites,

The Republicans hate everything that doesn't fit into their narrow worldview. I guess the Democrats do too, but at least they are actively harming fewer people and overall the worldview is wider (since Republicans are both fiscally and socially conservative, whereas Democrats can be fiscally liberal, socially liberal, or both).

Posted By Telanis,

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