State legislators in Hawaii have introduced a bill that would allow anyone to obtain a copy of President Obama's nebulous birth records for a $100 fee. The goal of this bill is to crush the "birther" controversy once and for all.

I'm sorry, but I'm just not falling for it. First off, the 5 legislators sponsoring the bill are all Democrats. Secondly, birth certificates are notoriously easy to fake. Thirdly...well, two is enough for me. Before I even begin to consider the idea that our "President" might have been born in the U.S., I will need the following additional items of proof:

• Crib card from the hospital nursery
• Records of his newborn immunizations and lab work
• Foot print card
• Blue onesie that says, "I was born at Kapi'olani Medical Center"
• The little plastic bracelet with his name on it
• Testimony of the wet nurse and/or mohel
• Written report of the duly appointed Committee for the Resolution of Issues of Birth

But I'm a realist. At this point, there's probably not much we can do about it, even with the surfacing of the Kenyan birth certificate (which should happen any day now!). He's already been in power for 2 years, and deposing an American president is no easy task. So let's make a deal. We'll drop the birth issue once and for all if Obama abandons the dark side and embraces Republicanism.

For this very small concession, we will gladly ignore what is probably the greatest presidential ambiguous birth scandal of the 21st century. It wouldn't even be the first time we've lived with a controversially elected president. We had the Bush v. Gore issue of 2000. There was the Kennedy v. Nixon debacle of 1960. It goes all the way back to the Hayes v. Tilden travesty of 1876. Ah, good times.

So that's it; he switches parties and we forget the whole thing. As long as the President's on our side, we could care less how he got in there.

WHICH TYPE OF PRESIDENT WOULD YOU PREFER?

Bad President -
Right Country

 

Good President - Born
Somewhere Else

 

OR