Top 10 Reasons the Ocean is Terrifying

Posted on by Andrew Kalinchuk (kalinchu)
URL for sharing:

It's fairly common knowledge that humans fear the unknown, and there are few things more shrouded in mystery than that big ol' puddle we call the ocean. This is why it just might be the most frightening thing on the planet. Granted, time spent on the beach can be very enjoyable, and I hear surfing is fun...but who knows what unknown horror lurks in those watery depths or sits waiting in the warm sand? What terror of the deep will you fear most at this list's end? Read on to explore your options.

10. Litter

Maybe I'm alone on this one, but whenever I set foot in murky water and my toes sink into the soft, sandy bottom, I can't help but imagine what disgusting things I might find. It's that ever-present thought of, "Oh please, please, please, just don't cut my foot." This fear is definitely supported by the photo above.

So far, the worst was a dirty diaper and though it may not seem like the stuff of nightmares, just try telling that to my night terrors.

9. Bad Bathing Suits

Thong bathing suits are not okay. I don't care who you are. Exposed ass cheeks with floss between them are best left inside the pages of a smutty magazine. This faux pas extends to everyone of all shapes, sizes, and age. I don't care if you're an underwear model or my grandmother (but especially don't wear them if you're my grandmother...or anyone's grandmother), I don't want to see a bare ass while I'm casually reading a novel in the sun and my (future) children are frolicking amongst the waves.

8. The Dark Depths

There are places in the ocean that we have yet to explore because they are so goddamn deep. Who knows what kind of terrifying creatures are swimming around down there just waiting to come to life and eat us / take over the world. Godzilla? Alien spacecraft? Carnivorous starfish? Gigantic jellyfish?

Fortunately, or unfortunately (depending on your outlook), it seems the mysteries of the deep sea won't remain a mystery for much longer: the "Virgin Oceanic" plans to dive to the deepest part of each of Earth's five oceans in the next two years. Pretty impressive, but let's hope they find something useful and don't accidentally awaken Megalodon.

7. Giant Squid

It can't get much worse than a 40 foot, ten-tentacled killing machine. It would be frightening enough if they could only crush you to death, but it's so much worse than that. Each of their arms are lined with hundreds of suckers filled with sharp, finely serrated rings. These teeth in combination with the suction cups work to firmly attach the squid to its prey. Sounds fun, right?

But that's not all: they also have a beak-like mouth that can shred you to pieces while the tentacles just keep pulling you in. Oh, and they like to do this in groups. But you're right. I am sure you'll be fine.

6. Jellyfish

Three big problems with jellyfish: they're everywhere, they sting you, and way too many people think the best treatment is to rush over and pee on wherever you just got stung. None of this information is extremely comforting and I've had enough relatives get stung for this to be a very, very real fear.

Plus, since reactions can range from almost no effect to extreme pain or death, getting stung by a random jellyfish is like taking a stab at the lottery...only without the potential upside. Grrrreat.

5. Sharks

It's the first, the original, the awe-inspiring, terror of the deep. There's not one person I know who isn't shit-scared of a shark attack. All it takes is one wide-framed shot of a dorsal fin and we're all wetting our pants. "Aww shit! Who's it gonna eat!?"

Now imagine that instead of being on your big, comfy couch watching Shark Week, you are jumping around in the waves with your water wings on. Uh oh, out pops a dorsal fin about ten feet away from you and what do you do? You shit your pants.

4. Monstro from Pinocchio

My early years as a child taught me that whales were adorable, extra-large swimming mammals that only wanted to be my friend and teach me silly songs. But that was a simpler time. A time before I'd watched Pinocchio.

A heart-warming story about a lovable old man who makes a talking puppet, I was lured into getting attached to the characters and genuinely felt like they were my friends. Once the bonds of friendship were freshly formed, Monstro ate the lovable old man, who then lived inside the whale's belly waiting for rescue. Small spaces, nasty smells, and enough saliva to make a swimming pool. Color me afraid.

3. Fish with Human Features

These are without a doubt the most unsettling photographs of fish in existence. It only confirms my fears that the ocean will one day take over the planet Earth by using its extreme powers of the unknown to transform water-dwelling creatures into humanoid monstrosities. Don't ask me about the logistics on that one. I mean, c'mon, fish with human faces and human teeth? Something mystical is at work here.

2. BP Oil Company

Now that BP Oil has taken its spot as the unofficial ocean Destroyer, I find myself peeking over my shoulder whenever I approach the ocean. My ultimate fear here is that somehow I will miss the offshore oil rig lurking in my peripheral vision and when my guard is down, it will leak its oil and petroleum all over me and my friends. It's not enough that BP did its damnedest to destroy an ecosystem, but to top it off, they made a bunch of cute and cuddly animals look like Becky the duck when Bayside struck oil.

1. The Giant Isopod

Insects are definitely my number one fear and although most of them are harmless, it doesn't make me any less uncomfortable in their presence. In fact, even though they're tiny and invisible to the naked eye, dust mites are hands down the most horrifying insects. Their fat bodies and little, creepy legs...shudder.

Great news though, the giant isopod looks like a life-sized version of those critters (12 inches long) and every time I look at it, a little bit of vomit sneaks up into my mouth. To add to their spook factor, as if their appearance wasn't enough, the giant isopod is carnivorous and primarily feeds on the dead and rotting flesh of whales, squid, and fish. Mmm, that's nice.

How do you face the ocean?

16423 views & 40 votes

Debate It! 4

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, the ocean is the most scariest things of the world! You wont get hurt or lost or injured if you stay in a place where there is a easy access to the shore without anything that is able to get into your way! :)

Posted By nari,

shit sharks are scarey

Posted By mrandell123456789,

I would have to say number 9 is scary. lol

Posted By mrsa,

I just can't stand giant squids, they're gross and I'll never get over it. Not even mention those who are featured on Discovery Channel

Posted By Lompostathe,

Make a Comment

You must be signed in to add a comment. login | register
view profile
You are now following
You are no longer following
test message