The NBA 2012 All-Headcase Team

Posted on by Robert Seitzinger (rseitzinger)
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The NBA 2012 All-Star Weekend is fast approaching, with the usual festivities planned for this wekend in Orlando. There will be 12 guys playing for each conference, each of whom were either voted by fans as the best or appointed by coaches of the 30 NBA teams.

The stars are fun to watch, but more exciting is the reality that there are some legitimately insane players in the NBA. The league's rich history of nutjobs -- including all-time bonkers ballers Rasheed Wallace, Stephon Marbury, Latrell Sprewell, Dennis Rodman, and Jayson Williams -- are players who would get violent, host 24-7 webcam shows, choke their coaches, dress as the bride for their wedding, are currently serving prison sentences...the "Where Amazing Happens" campaign a few seasons back might as well have been "Where Fucknuts Insane Happens."

Here is what the starting five of current crazies would look like. Just imagine the reality TV possibilities if they were all on the same team together. That's a guaranteed season of trending nightly on Twitter as fans eagerly anticipate the inevitable on-court meltdowns with one or all of them screaming, punching someone, and yanking their jersey off (probably in that order, but not always).

Point Guard

Gilbert Arenas

Arenas is a convicted felon who brought guns to his locker a few seasons back, and he is known for some oddball tendencies, from requiring Boston Market before games to sleeping on couches because he doesn't "like women all up on me, touching me." He has calmed down a bit since his season-long suspension from the gun incident, but he still gets this spot as a guy who has spent the last decade among the cream of the NBA psychopath crop.

Shooting Guard

Delonte West

Another NBA player convicted of weapons charges, Delonte West hooked up with LeBron James' mom. While they were on the same team. (PROTIP: Don't bang a guy's mom, especially if that guy is a 265-pound, half-man, half-beast, all-muscle specimen.) James soon thereafter quit on the Cleveland Cavaliers and went to Miami. West soon thereafter got hit with weapons charges after being pulled over on his three-wheel motorcycle, when police found guns in the guitar case he was wearing. He has undergone court-mandated treatment, though there is not a pill nor psychiatrists' couch on the planet to fix that degree of crazy.

Small Forward

Ron Artest / Metta World Peace

That is not a Photoshop. Artest (because I refuse to call him by that bonkers moniker he adopted this season) started the single worst brawl in NBA history, climbing into the stands to punch a fan he suspected of throwing beer on him (he actually hit the wrong fan). He also thanked his psychiatrist and plugged his hip-hop album when asked how he felt about winning the 2010 NBA Championships with the Lakers. When the All-Time All-Headcase Team is formed, rest assured Artest will start on that one too.

Power Forward

Chris Andersen

He was suspended two years for violating the league's drug policy (though the league did not say what drug(s) he used, the suspicion is that he tested positive for meth), and is almost literally covered from head to toe in tattoo ink. He has a reputation for rankling players with his weird on-court chatter, and he plays up his Birdman character by flapping his arms after a big play. Another lock for the All-Time All-Headcase Team.


DeMarcus Cousins

This is a headcase of a big man who loves to pick fights and get rowdy. This includes preseason games when he tosses around his own teammates. He got his coach fired earlier this year. He yells like a coked-up triceratops at defenders. It's a bit early in his career to say for sure, but all signs currently point to him assuming the throne as leading headcase once Artest and Andersen retire.

Would you enjoy watching this team?

3058 views & 11 votes

Debate It! 1

I wouldn't say they sound boring, but they are certainly more in line with what's wrong with the NBA today rather than the early 90s when Dennis Rodman was the exception rather than the rule.

Posted By Writtenin1981,

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