The Coolest Ways to Smuggle an Immigrant Across the Border

Posted on by Nate C. (Nate)
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Since the Greeks first smuggled a horseload of illegal immigrants into Troy, people have been doing their best to evade the long arm of the INS (the Immigration and Naturalization Service no longer exists under that name, but it is still the most effective acronym for illegal immigration humor). The following would-be immigrants tried to cross the border and failed, but you have to admit, they did it with style.

1. Disguised as Marines

The punishment should be 3 years in the military. (Photo via the Department of Homeland Security)

These guys all dressed up as marines and tried to cross the border in a military van. (A military van? Were they trying to impersonate the A-Team?) Admittedly, this wasn't a bad plan, because who's going to question U.S. Marines about their immigration status? Unfortunately, they forgot that marines do not all have the same last name. These all had the last name 'Perez' sewn onto their uniforms. "This is my brother Corporal Perez. These are my 12 other brothers Corporal Perez."

2. Riding in the Trunk

Room for one more? (Photo via U.S. Customs and Border Protection)

Because no one would ever think to look in the trunk.

3. If There's No Room in the Trunk, Ride in the Engine Compartment

That does not look comfortable. (Photo via U.S. Customs and Border Protection)

I wonder how long they had to stay posing for the picture before the authorities let them out. "Ok, now we're gonna take the picture from different angles."

4. Sewn into the Seat

"I should have ridden in the trunk." (Photo via U.S. Customs and Border Protection)

"Of course that's not a man sewn into the fabric of the car seat. That's just Chairry from Peewee's Playhouse." I guess someone said the secret word and the subsequent screaming gave him away.

5. Cut Up Some Buckets

Bucket Man to the rescue. (Photo via U.S. Customs and Border Protection)

This guy was found riding in the back of a work truck amidst a series of buckets that were taped together. I think the best way to get out of this one is to explain that he's a superhero (Bucket Man, if you will) on the way to an important mission.

6. In an Old Man Suit

My next Halloween costume. (Photo via the Canada Border Services Agency)

This clever guy from Hong Kong donned a lifelike Mr. Magoo mask and boarded a flight to Canada, seeking asylum. How did he get caught? A stewardess noticed that his silky smooth young man hands didn't match his face and alerted authorities. The lesson? When you've already paid for the fake head, face, and neck, don't cheap out. Buy the hands too. That's like buying a tablecloth without the matching napkins.

Just to do my part, here are a few suggestions for anyone thinking of emigrating to another country:

Inside Another Human Being

I'm pretty sure this one hasn't been done before, at least not by humans. Aliens do it all the time.

Follow the Legal Immigration Process

Haha, just kidding! That's no fun!

Construct a Flying Machine with Cloaking Abilities

Uncloaked immigrant vessel

If unsure how to do this, please see Star Trek 6: The Undiscovered Country.


29450 views & 13 votes

Debate It! 3

I quite enjoy the bucket idea. It seems genius to me.

Posted By mzspiffy,

yeah except you'd think you might want to put a couple towels or something in the bucket with the head in it.

Posted By Nate,

The Legal Immigration process is pretty nice, it goes quickly, I did it a while ago...

Posted By OmnipotentPie,

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