7 Jaw-Dropping Creationist ClaimsPosted on by JohnG (JohnG)
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Creationists. Say the word and images of rainbows, Noah's ark, and velociraptors having tea with Adam and Eve come to mind.
So where to start? The willful ignorance of a person who has access to the hard-won knowledge that science has made available to the modern age, but chooses instead to believe that the universe is mere thousands of years old; that humans co-habitated with dinosaurs; that all the millions of species of life on Earth appeared suddenly in their present form and that all of them could fit onto a wooden boat - it boggles the mind. Yet some claims go beyond familiar generalities like "The world is only 6000 years old," and "Evolution doesn't happen." Some claims are so specific, so oddly bizarre or ironic that they deserve to be singled out.
Prepare for some brainhurt and read on.
1. Moon Craters Prove Noah's Flood
YouTube Creationist Nephilimfree informs us that, obviously, craters on the moon came from ice ejected from Earth during Noah's Flood. It's called Hydroplate "Theory," and it goes something like this: Noah's flood was no mere deluge of rain like you learned about in Sunday school. Actually, the crust of the earth split around the mid-ocean ridges and fell down onto a secret subterranean ocean that God apparently had installed just for the occasion. The falling earth forced the water up through the cracks in the crust, ejecting it skyward. The super-sonic water shot all the way into space and straight to the moon! Icy meteors struck the moon, creating the craters we see today.
And the frozen marine animals you can pick up off the surface of the moon...the Apollo astronauts found those, right?
2. God Loves Horses and Whales (just not enough to keep them from going extinct)
Creationists like to deny that fossils can show evidence of evolutionary transition through a lineage of species. To them, the discovery of one transitional fossil simply creates two new gaps in the fossil record, one before and one after, which must be filled with transitional forms before they will be satisfied. You see the problem here. In reality, every fossil is a transitional fossil, because every species is in constant transition, never quite the same from one generation to the next as it evolves through time.
So here's an interesting tack - take something that provides strong evidence of evolution, admit that it's real, but then say that it's actually evidence of special creation. This one comes to us from Dr. Hugh Ross, and even his creationist audience chuckles when drops the punchline just after the 2:00 mark.
Transitional fossils exist because God knew large animals would go extinct quickly, so he made a lot of species in each group to make up for it. Brilliant. But why not just use his omnipotence to keep them from going extinct in the first place?
3. The Magic Comet
Here's another take on how Noah's Flood really happened -- according to "The Hovind Theory" (modestly named by its proponent, Kent Hovind), the water for the flood wasn't ejected from within the earth, but was delivered from space via a giant comet. And this was no normal comet; it was a magic, anti-physics comet able to ricochet around the solar system like it was a giant pinball machine, creating the craters on other planets and even the rings of Saturn before heading for Earth.
You know how meteors streak through the sky, heated to incandescent temperatures by friction with Earth's atmosphere? That didn't happen - remember that this is a magic, anti-physics comet. Instead, it broke up and wafted gently down to the earth's poles as snow, creating the ice caps and freezing mammoths to give the illusion of past ice ages, which of course never happened.
Also it created the Flood somehow. Did the new ice caps melt or something? If so, why do we have ice caps today? Does it even make sense to ask logical questions about a completely inane idea?
4. Dinosaurs = DRAGONS!
Just watch the video. Creationist Dr. Kent sets the stage for his no-I'm-actually-serious insanity, and then the delivery... just - wow. As with Dr. Ross's audience, the interviewer here can't help but LOL when Dr. Kent deadpans the punchline.
Dinosaurs had trouble breathing after the flood, and the increased friction in their nostrils caused their noses to catch on fire, leading to myths of fire-breathing dragons. You know what? This might be a good time to take a breather - read a book or something to make up for the IQ points you've lost by coming this far. Then, if you feel like another masochistic stab in the brain, come on back. The worst is yet to come.
5. The Magic Canopy
What exactly was God's method for creating a flood to wipe out life on Earth? There seems to be a lively debate about this in the Creationist camp. Was it magic water from beneath the earth? A magic comet from outer space? Or was there a magic canopy of water suspended above Earth's atmosphere all along, creating the conditions of paradise and providing God with a convenient way to wipe it all out? Teach the controversy, I say.
If I were God, I would have gone with the comet thing, but that's just me.
6. Evolution Exists...Just Not That Evolution
Natural selection and "microevolution" both exist but "macroevolution" doesn't. That's right - we admit the existence of Natural Selection but deny that it has anything to do with evolution. We admit that species can change over time, and that these changes can even lead to speciation, but deny that these changes can compound into large changes over time because... the passage of time is impossible?
The only difference between micro- and macro-evolution is the time scale involved. Is that really such a hard concept?
7. The Cambrian Explosion Disproves Evolution
I'm sorry, what were we talking about? I think I blacked out for a second. Maybe that was just the rational part of my brain committing seppuku, for surely an honorable death is preferable to a life among... this. I just... I don't even...
OK, here goes.
In the distant past, many modern phyla of animals evolved during a relatively brief period in geologic history commonly known as the Cambrian Explosion. To creationists, this "sudden" appearance of many animal forms is proof that they were all poofed into existence. Never mind that the Cambrian explosion, while geologically brief, played out over tens of millions of years and that it all happened over 500 million years ago. Never mind that the major groups of animals to evolve during this period were phyla, not modern species.
Large scale groups that still exist like arthropods, echinoderms, and animals with something like a backbone evolved, but none of the particular species that evolved during that period are still alive and most of the species from that time bear no resemblance to their modern descendants. Never mind that even at the end of the Cambrian Explosion there were still NO animals or plants living on land. Mammals, birds, reptiles, amphibians, flowering plants, and other major groups did not yet exist in any form. Yet, somehow, the creationist is able to say, in effect, "The fact of this major evolutionary event disproves evolution."
There you have it! Evolution proves Creationism! Checkmate, Evolutionists!Oh, wait.
* Special thanks to YouTubers like Thunderfoot, AronRa, dprjones, and others for carefully debunking Creationist silliness with videos far more clever and thorough than the claims themselves deserve.