Political Contests That Won't Happen (But They Should)Posted on by Billy D (lockheed40)
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The beginning of election season is fast approaching, and it's time for us to start preparing for an unending barrage of campaign news and special reports about elections and votes in states where we don't live. There will be plenty of candidates that are familiar with and some that no one has heard of until they start campaigning. I want to take some time to present some candidates we won't see because they either aren't eligible to run or have no interest in running. I think the best option will be to present some awesome head-to-head battles for you to consider. Unfortunately, none of these are likely to be on your ballot for the primaries, let alone the general election.
Arnold vs. George C. Scott as General Patton
What's stopping Arnold? Well, there's that whole "natural-born citizen" thing. He wasn't born here, so he can't run for President. What's he got going for him? He's Arnold! Don't you want the guy who brought you The Terminator and Commando to take charge of our economic and security problems? Of course you do.
So what about George C. Scott? Well, he's got a small problem with not being alive, but that's not a big deal, is it? Just imagine our country being run by George C. Scott running around dressed up like Patton, one of the craziest generals of all time. Watch this clip from the movie "Patton" to get an idea of what our future President could be like.
Justin Bieber vs. Lady Gaga
We've already dealt with alien-ism and the life-impaired, but what about a couple of other big issues like ageism? Both Bieber and Lady Gaga are a big deal here on This or That, but how would they fare in a battle for the White House? Unfortunately for Bieber, his target voters aren't eligible to vote so he probably won't do very well in this Presidential showdown. Lady GaGa would do well with the LGBTG crowd, but she may not get the kind of votes she need to win the big seat either.
Charlie Sheen vs. Chuck Norris
Do you know what the campaign really needs? Some hard-core celebrities, and you know when you're thinking of hard-core celebrities, you have to go with Charlie Sheen and Chuck Norris. I mean, Chuck Norris has done everything from scaring off death to counting to infinity twice. I don't think it's on the official Chuck Norris list, but I'm sure that if he thought about running for President, he'd win in a landslide. He'd probably holding back because he doesn't want to make the other guys feel bad.
Charlie Sheen can't run for President because he's just plain crazy. If he got tied down to the White House, the internet would dry up and fade away. While the election process would be a lot of fun, I don't want Mr. Sheen to actually win. Sure, he's got the libido to be a good President, but I just don't want him to have that red phone or that one button that only the President gets to push.
Brash Equilibrium vs. All Takers
You should know this guy. He's one of the hottest writers on This or That, and the awesome promoter of crossing your legs European style. There isn't much that could stand in his way if he decided to run for the big office. On top of the manly leg crossing, he also has a hot wife and a beautiful daughter that make him the luckiest man in the world, and will look great in all the photo opportunities. Unfortunately, the Brash one has other priorities at the moment. What kind of priorities? What about calling out Wikileaks for mundane posts, or trying to help Seattle and the rest of the Ring of Fire get ready for the next major catastrophe, or even helping humanity prepare for the robot apocalypse?
Bugs Bunny vs. Mickey Mouse
It just isn't fair and you know it. These two have been at the top of the write-in ballot for a long time. It just doesn't seem right that poor Bugs and Mickey are kept out of the political scene just because they're animated. How unfair is our political system? Think about how much fun it would be to see these two debating the current issues and pulling out all the stops. Also, think about how great the political ads would be. I've always wondered if Bugs ever got it on with Jessica Rabbit. What is really going on inside Mickey's head behind that big smile? I'm sure there could be a lot of fun and zaniness in the campaign.
Whatever happens in this upcoming election season, I hope the contenders at least make it more entertaining than last time. I'm sure it will drag on forever, but at least we can hope that they will keep it interesting.