McDonald's Comes to Realization That Clowns Are Super Creepy
Posted on by Evan Morris (ev.morris28)URL for sharing: http://thisorth.at/1axr
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Some of you might have noticed seeing less and less of famous ginger Ronald McDonald these days, and there is actually a very good reason for that. Clowns are terrifying! Apparently McDonald's fancies itself as more of an upscale chain these days and is targeting an older clientele. Gone are the old days of making America obese on Happy Meals and Big Macs now that salads and mochas have been added to the menu. (I'm pretty sure the fat stuff is also still on the menu if you want it though.)
Also gone is the clown who has been the face of the "Golden Arches" for nearly 50 years. According to spokeswoman Danya Proud in an article from Bloomberg, "While Ronald still plays an ambassador role, he isn't tied to the menu." I'm not sure why it took McDonald's until the middle of 2011 to realize that a clown might not be the best mascot to represent their company. I'm pretty sure I wrote a paper in the 7th grade titled, "Why Clowns Are Bad for Business: A Case Study," so the information was out there. The circus doesn't even put clowns out in front if that tells you anything.
Also gone is the clown who has been the face of the "Golden Arches" for nearly 50 years. According to spokeswoman Danya Proud in an article from Bloomberg, "While Ronald still plays an ambassador role, he isn't tied to the menu." I'm not sure why it took McDonald's until the middle of 2011 to realize that a clown might not be the best mascot to represent their company. I'm pretty sure I wrote a paper in the 7th grade titled, "Why Clowns Are Bad for Business: A Case Study," so the information was out there. The circus doesn't even put clowns out in front if that tells you anything.
Having said that, I do feel like Ronald McDonald is an institution around the world and probably deserves a better sendoff then just fading him out. That is, however, up to the brains behind the Angus Chipotle BBQ Bacon Snack Wrap, which actually makes me a little sick just typing.
Since it is too late to give Ronald the proper sendoff he deserves, I thought I could at least help McDonald's with their search for a new mascot. Here are a few suggestions:
Pennywise
Obviously, I don't like the idea of using another clown, but I believe this might make the transition a little easier, and Pennywise is certainly a clown geared towards an older, more mature market. Honestly, I can't make the call on which clown is creepier.
Rush Limbaugh
A real life clown who has definitely had his fair share of Double Quarter Pounders before. No doubt Rush would be passionate about the brand, but I have a feeling McDonald's might get extremely political. It's going to be hard to sell salads and smoothies with a very unhealthy man yelling in your face while you try to order. On second thought, maybe Rush isn't the best mascot after all. Let's move on.
Jose Valdez
McDonald's has been very successful recently with the launch of McCafe and their line of coffee and iced coffee drinks. Since Juan Valdez is contractually obligated to represent The National Federation of Coffee Growers of Columbia, it might be a good idea to use his twin brother Jose. Little is known about Jose, but word on the street (or around the coffee farms) is that Jose can handle a donkey and spread good cheer as good, if not better, than his brother Juan. The live donkey smell might put some people off, but that's the cost of doing business!
The International Brotherhood of Teamsters
Very relevant right now, not to mention the added presence and protection of the Teamsters. A side benefit would be a reduction in the amount spent on materials and food, as many of these things would start falling off the back of trucks in front of stores.
Ronnie from Jersey Shore
Keepin' it real is what it's all about. Watch this video and tell me you wouldn't want this guy representing your brand!
Charlie Sheen
My man is "tired of pretending like his life isn't perfect and that he isn't just winning every second!" Also, after joining Twitter yesterday afternoon, Charlie got to 1 million followers in 24 hours, which has to be a record. It wouldn't be a terrible thing to have someone with "tiger blood" who "exposes people to magic" tweet a few things about your brand. I mean, if you're not really targeting the kids anymore, why not go for broke? He might ask for $2 million an appearance, which could get a little costly, but we'll leave that to the number crunchers. WINNING!
Hopefully this will give McDonald's something to think about when moving forward with their search for Ronald's replacement. If you have any mascot ideas, let me know!
Are you going to miss Ronald McDonald?
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Posted By Telanis, (2 years and 2 months)
Posted By Telanis, (2 years and 2 months)
Posted By BambiBlue, (2 years and 2 months)
I think clowns are great. I mean, they taste delicious!
Posted By Brash Equilibrium, (2 years and 2 months)
......I'm so overworked.
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