A dude in Kentucky has a belly full of whiskers and a heart full of vengeance after a couple of bullies cut off his beard and forced him to eat it during a tractor sale gone awry. This is a far better tractor story than the one Jerry's girlfriend shared on Seinfeld, although I'd much rather eat a beard than consume a chili made out of my own parents.

The victim, Harvey Westmoreland, was trying to sell a tractor to two men, but after a price dispute, guns, knives, and, presumably, beard trimmers were pulled out and a good ol' Mexican standoff ensued. The two would-be tractor customers then cut off part of Mr. Westmoreland's bushy beard and made him choke it down.  
 

The victim in question, with his now less-hirsute beard

Based on the picture of the victim, I'm guessing a little errant Cheetoh dust caught in the whiskers made the meal a bit more palatable. The attackers pled guilty to their beard hijinks and will be fined and sentenced to "supervised diversion." Your guess is as good as mine as to what the hell that means -- I think they'll be monitored while watching a juggler perform.

Which would you rather eat?