5 Reasons Crossing Your Legs Like a Chick is Manly

Posted on by Benjamin Chabot-Hanowell (Brash Equilibrium)
URL for sharing: http://thisorth.at/l8a
23116882
I'll admit it. I'm biased. It all started when I founded the select club, Self-Important, Arrogant, Masculine Men Who Cross Their Legs Euro-Style (we call it S-IAMMWCTLE-S for short). So I cross my legs like a chick. You heard me: one knee over the other, family jewels precariously positioned between thighs that I most often use to crack walnuts. I am the consummate man of men. That didn't come out right. But know it is rumored (and I will neither confirm nor deny) that I have made a nuclear missile weep. That I sleep 20 minutes per day, and spend the rest of my time with one knee over the other, commanding respect. Okay, I will definitely confirm that last part. When I put one knee over the other, I tell the world, under no uncertain terms, "I am a man's man who isn't afraid to put my virility at severe risk."

If you're not yet convinced that crossing your legs Euro-style is the height, no, the pinnacle, no, the zenith of machisimo, you are beyond hope. You're also a sexist pig with a closed mind, and you've probably never been to France. Pedestrian!

No matter. I'll give you 5 reasons more, because that's what I do, and in a manner twice as masculine as this guy's:


This man could happen to you.

Okay. 5 reasons to Euro-style, ready? Go.

5. Michael Corleone



Al Pacino used to be the quiet type

Awarded the Navy Cross for bravery. Featured in Life magazine in 1944. Don of the Corleone Crime Family. Main character in three extremely long but classic mob movies. Played by a dude who delivers better raspy-voiced, shouting monologues than any actor in history. Seated calmly, one expertly-creased trouser leg crossed over the other, he will make you an offer you can't refuse. I suggest you take it.

4. Gregory Peck



The man who could have been Batman

Gregory Peck was a man's man before your dad could take solid food. He so exuded masculinity that Orson $%&#ing Welles considered him for the role of Batman in the best movie that was never made.

And you know Peck's Batman could, seated with his legs crossed Euro-style, casually slap Christian Bale's Hulk-Hogan-voiced Dark Knight into a coma. But Peck'd just slap Bale to tears, because remember, this man played Atticus Finch. Yes, the consummate moralist who agonized over his deadly accurate marksmanship. Finch could shoot you smack dab in the right ball, right through that massive hoop you make by crossing your ankle over your knee "like a dude," which is all the more reason you should Euro-style it instead: Protect that which could yield you reproductive success! Anyway, Finch could do that. But he won't, because he doesn't have a damn thing to prove to you.

Any way you slice it, Peck could probably kick your ass, and the man isn't even alive anymore. Be more like Gregory Peck: Cross your legs Euro-style, and square up that jaw, Nancy.

And vote Democrat. Peck would have preferred it.

3. Captain Kirk


"Spock, I made you wear the fez as punishment for not Euro-styling it."

Planet by planet, star system by star system, Captain James Tiberius Kirk conquered more than his fair share of extra-terrestrial ladies, and ladies who were supposed to have died before he was ever born. (He did not, however, land the green chick until he was reincarnated as Chris Pine. It was actually Captain Pike from the original series pilot who had to resist the charms of that verdant seductress, much to the chagrin of evil aliens who, no joke, had butts on their foreheads.)

Anyway, in between saving the galaxy and blowing up his own ship several times (like a boss), Kirk found time to produce a spoken word cover album of the Beatles. Now that's effective time management! And you want to know the real story of how Kirk became the only student in Starfleet history to defeat the Kobayashi Maru test? Aside from cheating by reprogramming the simulation to become winnable, Kirk mentally concentrated his hyper-masculinity to a spot between what would one day become William Shatner's ample thighs. That's courage. That's crossing your legs Euro-style. Just $%&#ing do it already.

As if one badass Starfleet playah weren't enough, Captain Jean-Luc Picard kept rocking the Euro-style long after Kirk was fat and gone. If only we could have a listed one reason more! ...$%&! it. Here's your reason:



2. Barack Obama


Obama, winning the future with his legs crossed

This man is the Leader of the Free World, yet he often cross his legs like a lady. Tea Party members and LaRouchians are, as we speak, printing posters of our President with a Hitler mustache,crossing his legs like a chick while reading the Koran. But come on, people! He is the most legislatively successful president in five decades. Maybe more of our presidents should be Euro-stylin' it. Look at him! Sitting there like he's Albert Camus, smoking a cigarette backward on the Champs de-Élysé.

Obama is no slouch when it comes manliness, either. Dude could hit a three pointer over your head while reaming you in a debate on Constitutional Law. Your wife would probably do him, given the chance, and you wouldn't even mind! And unlike some House Majority Leaders, he doesn't often cry. Love or hate his politics, you can't deny how he posts one knee over the other with the best of them.

1. The Great Cthulu



All hail the mighty Cthulu in his ghetto Photoshopped glory!

Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!

That forbidden, haunting chant of the squid-mouthed god's cult, loosely translated, is, "In his house at R'lyeh, dead Cthulu waits dreaming." Often left out is the remaining line, "Euro-stylin' it like a boss!"

His legs wound together like the thorny, overgrown privet engulfing the seats of the Great Old Ones, he erects the edifice of your perpetual madness! Lest you fall prey to his lusty star-spawn, be it that you twine your fleshen stems in the wanton style of brazen Europa!

JOIN US!

Have I convinced you that crossing your legs like a chick is indeed manly?

116882 views & 1426 votes

Debate It! 23

Sorry, man, but your article has convinced me that sitting is overrated. I am currently working on my ankle strength so I can go directly from standing to lying.

Posted By lockheed40,

Come on people! Join the legions of men's men at S-IAMMWCTLE-S.

Posted By Brash Equilibrium,

If a girl should ever have an opportunity to see Rome, she should take a Gregory Peck with her. that man was hotter than hell.

Posted By Actionamy,

http://www.reddit.com/r/SIAMMWCTLES Made a subreddit...because it isn't manly until there is a subreddit.

Posted By cbattlegear,

Posted By wakka_wakka,

Oh, and THIS GUY: Another badass sitting Euro-style.

Posted By Brash Equilibrium,

NOOO WAAY ! I hate it when guys cross there legs, Its a girl thing and we look better doing it anyway. So guys DONT do it .. Take it from a girl :)

Posted By Nella1197,

Nella1197, you're fired.

Posted By Brash Equilibrium,

love it!

Posted By flutterbymee,

Using "masculine" and "Euro-style" together is kind of an oxymoron isn't it?

Besides, at least three of the five men pictured are gay. (Or "bi-" as many gays prefer to be called.) (And they aren't Pacino or Shatner.)

(Something is named by its deviation from the norm, not as a new term using a combination of the norm and the deviation from the norm. For example you wouldn't call a mugger who also corrects the cashier when he is given too much change at the counter an "honest crook." Mugging is the deviation from the norm, returning the extra change is the norm. He's a mugger, defined by the deviation. Having sex with someone of the same sex is the deviation, which is being "gay." Just because that person might also have sex with someone of the opposite sex, which is the norm, does not change the deviancy. The person is gay. "Bi-sexual" is merely a term some gays prefer to be called because it somehow makes them feel less threatened, or closer to the norm. But I digress... )

The article shouldn't use gay men as examples of being not gay.

Posted By JohnM,

I was very curious about men who cross their legs when the sit, until, I met my husband and the idea grew on me. I began to study other men around me who practiced this so called "girly" way of sitting. I observed that all of those men were thin. That might not be a big deal to anyone else but me. But it kind of made me wonder if this behavior in men was not indeed girly. That was until today 2/4/11, when I saw, on this that very good-looking muscular man in the picture above wearing a white (wife beater - we called them where I come from) shirt on. He surprising looks very attractive to me. I wanted to add, Star Trak's Captain Kirk was always attractive to me. President Obama looks too much like my ex-husband for me to go back there in my mind- "I am no longer physically attractive to thin men and haven't been for years now."

Posted By cathydoves,

JohnM:

Gay and bi men can't be masculine? Hrm. I'll file that away under my "Complete bull$%&* header."

Posted By Brash Equilibrium,

Let's clear the air here, with regard to my international organization:

Gay does not necessarily equal effeminate.
Effeminate is not necessarily a bad thing for a man to be.
Nonetheless, all the men picture are pretty $%&*ing masculine regardless of what gender they bed, and with what relative frequency, and ESPECIALLY because they Euro-style it.

Also, there's THIS GUY, who has and still does epitomize wholesome manliness, may he rest in peace:A man who is manly and also gay.

Posted By Brash Equilibrium,

And, Cathy Doves: I am sorry that thin, Euro-stylin' men have ruined it for you, but I'm glad the rocked out dude in the picture I posted fixed things. It is my hope that S-IAMMWCTLE-S members, especially men, exude not only masculinity, but dedication to their loved ones.

Posted By Brash Equilibrium,

NOOO WAAY ! I hate it when guys cross there legs, Its a girl thing girls look better doing it

Posted By taylor132,

I'm a total immature douche, so when I see a man who crosses his legs like a chick...I IMMEDIATELY assume he has a small penis. I always put the Ass in Assumption any way so what do I know lol
http://thundercat832.blogspot.com

Posted By thundercat832,

Thundercat: The penis is one of the most elastic organs of the male body. It's gumby, dammit!

Posted By Brash Equilibrium,

as I get older it gets harder to get my balls out of the way when I euro. I don't want to be seen hiking up the sack for a comfy testicular arrangement, and neither do I want all circulation to the nutcracker suite to be cut off by thigh action? I therefore respectfully suggest the wide angle ankle to knee cross, whilst not so girly , is the answer for the gravitationally challenged seminary and Mr Gumby himself..

Posted By Mooner,

I love sitting like a chick; makes me feel manly.

Posted By JaxValentine,

Does sharing a name with a large and fictional underground fighting champion with a bionic arm also make you feel more manly?

Posted By Brash Equilibrium,

lol, i've caught myself doing this before. Hurts the little friends after a while though

Posted By dredgegolgari,

Still going strong at 73% in favor of E-Sin' it!

Posted By Brash Equilibrium,

I have a solution to the problem by offering a third solution. Much like Kirk, when I dont like my options, I make my own, just like Kirk and that stupid Kobiashi Maru Simulation! From now on I will sit with my legs spread open and up in the air! I cant imagine a more manly tactic.

Posted By 11thzone,

Make a Comment

You must be signed in to add a comment. login | register
Username
view profile
You are now following
a
You are no longer following
a
 
test message
×