James Heselden, the British businessman who owns the company who manufactures the Segway, accidentally rode one off a cliff and died yesterday. For those of you not in the know, a Segway is a two-wheeled "vehicle" that makes people who ride it look like total dweebasauruses. Case in point:

This man was President

Heselden reportedly fell 30 feet off a cliff into the River Wharfe. Although he rode a Segway to his death, he wasn't the inventor of the product. That honor goes to Dean Kamen, who founded the company in New Hampshire in 1999. Heselden bought Segway in December 2009. Bet he doesn't at all regret that purchase decision.

I'd make terribly insensitive Segway death jokes, but honestly, death by Segway is already embarrassingly unfortunate, so instead I'll just wish the deceased businessman's family the best and recommend that mall cops and parking ticketers nationwide observe a moment of silence before revving up their devices to blazing speeds of 12 mph.

Segway accidents are...