Bachmann Versus Palin: A Crazy "Squirmish"

Posted on by Jason Arango (jarango)
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With Michele Bachmann and Sarah Palin both being tossed around as potential GOP candidates in 2012, I thought it made sense to pit the two "real Americans" in a head to head showdown. Both political figures are known for saying some ridiculously dumb stuff, but when it comes to a no-holds-barred quote off, it's actually hard to tell which one's the crazier candidate.

On The Environment

"Carbon dioxide is portrayed as harmful. But there isn't even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas." - Michele Bachmann

"I'm not an Al Gore, doom-and-gloom environmentalist blaming the changes in our climate on human activity, but I'm not going to put my head in the sand and pretend there aren't changes." - Sarah Palin

One acknowledges changes, while the other butchers basic science... Bachmann wins this round hands down.

Crazy Advantage: Bachmann

On Not Knowing

"I look at the Scripture and I read it and I take it for what it is. I give more credence in the Scripture as being kind of a timeless word of God to mankind, and I take it for what it is. And I don't think I give as much credence to my own mind, because I see myself as being very limited and very flawed, and lacking in knowledge, and wisdom and understanding. So, I just take the Bible for what it is, I guess, and recognize that I am not a scientist, not trained to be a scientist. I'm not a deep thinker on all of this. I wish I was. I wish I was more knowledgeable, but I'm not a scientist." - Michele Bachmann

''So we discussed what was going on in Africa. And never, ever did I talk about, well, gee, is it a country or is it a continent, I just don't know about this issue.'' - Sarah Palin

While Michele Bachmann seems to be inarticulately struggling with some deep theological questions, Palin is baffled by a first grade geography lesson. Bachmann's no scientist, but we're guessing she knows a country from a continent.

Crazy Advantage: Palin

On American History

"Take this into consideration. If we look at American history, between 1942 and 1947, the data that was collected by the Census Bureau was handed over to the FBI and other organizations at the request of President Roosevelt, and that's how the Japanese were rounded up and put into the internment camps. I'm not saying that that's what the Administration is planning to do, but I am saying that private personal information that was given to the Census Bureau in the 1940s was used against Americans to round them up, in a violation of their constitutional rights, and put the Japanese in internment camps." - Michele Bachmann

''Well, let's see. There's - of course in the great history of America there have been rulings that there's never going to be absolute consensus by every American, and there are those issues, again, like Roe v. Wade, where I believe are best held on a state level and addressed there. So, you know, going through the history of America, there would be others but.....'' - Sarah Palin

Even though Bachmann's quote borders on complete paranoia, she still manages to get out-dumbed by a rambling Palin quote that trails off into total confusion.

Crazy Advantage: Palin

On Political Activism

"I want people in Minnesota armed and dangerous on this issue of the energy tax because we need to fight back. Thomas Jefferson told us 'having a revolution every now and then is a good thing,' and the people -- we the people -- are going to have to fight back hard if we're not going to lose our country." - Michele Bachmann

"They think that, if we were just smart enough, we'd be able to understand their policies. And I so want to tell 'em, and I do tell 'em, Oh, we're plenty smart, oh yeah - we know what's goin' on. And we don't like what's goin' on. And we're not gonna let them tell us to sit down and shut up." - Sarah Palin

Palin's refusal to stand idly by while some vague evildoers try to pull a fast one on her is a call to action for Americans everywhere; however, Bachmann's paraphrasing of Thomas Jefferson (in reference to an energy tax, no less) is a special brand of crazy.

Crazy Advantage: Bachmann

On Coincidences

"I find it interesting that it was back in the 1970s that the swine flu broke out under another, then under another Democrat president, Jimmy Carter. I'm not blaming this on President Obama, I just think it's an interesting coincidence." - Michele Bachmann

"To serve as vice president beside such a man would be the privilege of a lifetime, and it's fitting that this trust has been given to me 88 years almost to the day after the women of America first gained the right to vote." - Sarah Palin

It feels like Palin's 88 years comment is trying to draw significance out of nothing, but the Bachmann quote takes it several steps further. Where Palin's quote harmlessly spins pure coincidence into great historic moment, Bachmann sounds like a conspiracy theory-spouting nutjob.

Crazy Advantage: Bachmann

On The Economy

"Literally, if we took away the minimum wage - if conceivably it was gone - we could potentially virtually wipe out unemployment completely because we would be able to offer jobs at whatever level." - Michele Bachmann

"It's no wonder Michelle Obama is telling everybody you better breastfeed your baby--yeah, you better--because the price of milk is so high right now!" - Sarah Palin

Although Bachmann shows a fundamental lack of understanding, Palin scores bonus points for dumping the blame on Michelle Obama with an "Oh snap! How you like me?" zinger.

Crazy Advantage: Tie

On Gay Rights

"It isn't that some gay will get some rights. It's that everyone else in our state will lose rights. For instance, parents will lose the right to protect and direct the upbringing of their children .... They will be required to learn that homosexuality is normal, equal and perhaps you should try it. And that will occur immediately, that all schools will begin teaching homosexuality." - Michele Bachmann

"In 1998, [Alaskan] voters defined marriage in a traditional way, as between a man and a woman, and I think most people believed that inherent in that vote was that benefits presently supplied to couples would be exclusively supplied to married couples." - Sarah Palin

While it's easy to disagree with Palin's attitude toward gay marriage, at least she's not suggesting equal rights somehow equates to teaching kids they should try being gay. Bachmann, on the other hand...well, she's apparently seen some school curriculum that suggests otherwise.

Crazy Advantage: Bachmann

On Analogies

"During the last 100 days we have seen an orgy. It would make any local smorgasbord embarrassed ... The government spent its wad by April 26." - Michele Bachmann, in reference to the Obama administration's spending.

"Let me go back to a comfortable analogy for me - sports... basketball. I use it because you're naive if you don't see the national full-court press picking away right now: A good point guard drives through a full court press, protecting the ball, keeping her eye on the basket... and she knows exactly when to pass the ball so that the team can WIN." - Sarah Palin

Both comparisons would bring a smile to the face of even the toughest literary critic, but Palin scores serious bonus points for ramming the full-court press analogy down our throats.

Crazy Advantage: Palin

Who is the scarier candidate?

8591 views & 21 votes

Debate It! 3

i cant...they are equally scary.

Posted By jonaheim88,

Agree with jonaheim88, both are scary, and do not convince me at all

Posted By Mandet,

Is it just me or Sarah Pallin is kinda hot?

Posted By PacoSpearitt,

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