Anna Kournikova is the New "Biggest Loser" Trainer Despite Her Lack of Qualifications or Desire to Eat

Posted on 05-26-2011 by Rebecca Kelley (Rebecca)
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NBC's hit show Fat People Crying The Biggest Loser just wrapped up its eleventh season on Tuesday, and Jillian Michaels, beloved trainer-turned-corporate-shill, is leaving so she can scissor Danica Patrick in "too hot for TV hehe go to our website to see unrated content that you think will be porn but is probably actually just a crapton of spam" commercials for Go Daddy. Michaels' departure leaves a big void that thousands of personal trainers were chomping at the bit to fill. So naturally, instead of hiring the most qualified and personable candidate for the job, NBC decided to replace a certified and knowledgeable (albeit kind of annoying) personal trainer with a verging-on-anorexic former professional tennis player who's more known for being hot and banging hockey stars and mediocre pop singers than her personal training abilities (or her tennis abilities, for that matter).

Bringing Anna Kournikova on as a trainer for the upcoming season of The Biggest Loser screams of desperation for ratings. When she wobbled onstage during the finale in a short, tight purple dress that exposed her bony knees and sharp clavicles, it made me think she was in sore need of a few hearty meals rather than exclaim, "Wow, she sure looks capable of training morbidly obese people to become healthy and happy!" I'm thinking her last chance workouts for the contestants will consist of the following:

Hit a few tennis balls against the wall
Let a Russian hockey player heave himself onto you and go to town for 40 minutes
Eat a stalk of celery
Purge the stalk of celery you just ate
Lie out in the sun while Enrique Iglesias thinks of a new phrase to repeat via auto tune with a generic club beat

Do you think Anna will be a good trainer, or did NBC just pick her for her looks and quasi-celebrity status? I can't imagine she has any experience working with people to help them lose weight and get in shape -- to me it seems irresponsible to assume she's qualified simply because she used to play tennis professionally. She's also a bit on the frigid side, making me think she'll relate less to the contestants and their issues than Cara and her deer-in-headlights gaze from the most recent season.