So, the exciting part of the revolution is over, as we all know, since it was televised. Televised and tweeted so much, in fact, that people apparently just started punching Anderson Cooper in the street -- awfully nice of those folks in Cairo to notice he was in sore need of a nap. Since President Hosni Mubarak finally stepped down, the military leaders that took over last week are now scrambling to set up elections to choose new leadership. I checked, and it turns out that I don't get to vote even though I saw the Ramses II museum exhibit twice back in the 1990s. Instead, here's the next best thing -- my top 5 list of candidates for the next leader of one of the world's oldest societies:

1. The Scorpion King

Oftentimes, nations have trouble transitioning from a strongman, de facto dictatorship to a full-blown democracy (as your neighbor in the Army Reserves preparing for his fourth trip to Baghdad can tell you), making it a good idea to consider taking baby steps. Step One: Move from an old, out-of-touch dictator to an ageless, eternally handsome strongman. How the Scorpion King would deal with Egypt's extremists is uncertain, but he's guaranteed to keep those pesky scarabs under control.

2. The Muslim Sista!Hood

Just wait until my new concept for a wacky inter-cultural sitcom on the CW Network takes hold in the Nile Valley. When a happy-go-lucky pair of African-American-Egyptian sisters move into a conservative neighborhood in Cairo, get ready for real regime change! Forget Sharia law, these ladies plan to rule with lots of laughter and tears!

3. Tea Party Obama

Who would be the ideal candidate to lead a largely Muslim African nation with a multitude of industries that are run by the government (through the military)? Why, Tea Party Obama, of course! If only the socialist, secret Muslim, African-born politician the far right-wingers seem to believe currently occupies the White House were a reality... he'd be a perfect candidate!

4. That Google Guy

If Google can take the world's information and organize it into search results that are occasionally not completely useless nonsense, then perhaps Wael Ghonim, the Google employee in Egypt who helped launch the revolution through a simple Facebook page (which, ironically, could not be indexed by Google), can organize the disparate populations of this ancient society into an occasionally functional nation.

5. The Bangles

No particular reason or justification for this one, just fulfilling a contractual obligation that requires all children of the '80s to make sure that the band's classic hit "Walk Like an Egyptian" will never truly die. Not because it's a deserving masterpiece, but because all of humanity must understand the pain it inflicted on a generation of children already confused about why Mommy suddenly started wearing shoulder pads in 1984. Never forget. Never again.

What kind of leader does Egypt need?