10 Celebrities I'd Like to See on the Next Season of "Dancing with the Stars"

Posted on by wade evanson (wadevanson)
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The 12th season of Dancing With The Stars just ended. Since the show has first aired, we've seen a bevy of football players, boy-banders, has-been actors, astronauts, soap stars, teen idols, and reality stars aplenty. From the NFL's Emmit Smith to Olympic speed skater Apollo Ono, 98 Degrees' Drew Lachey to Dirty Dancing's Jennifer Grey, and car racing's Helio Castroneves to the ageless Donny Osmond, celebrities abound have mamboed, jived and waltzed their way to one of reality television's most coveted prizes.

DWTS's crystal ball is the infamous spoil which awaits the victor of America's prime time pastime, and many have donned the tights, sequins, and heels chasing the trophy which only a mother could love.

Now that the latest season has ended, the focus has shifted to which C-list celebrity should cha-cha their way onto the upcoming season. Here are some suggestions on who could take home that gloriously ugly trophy and rack up an extra 15 minutes of fame.

1. Elin Nordegren

Who wouldn't want to see that? She's gorgeous, and no one's ever really seen or heard from her even prior to her divorce from golf's most iconic figure. Not only would it make for good theater, eye candy and intrigue, but the mere thought of Tiger sitting in his leather LaZ-Boy, fearing for every second of every show that she would reveal even the slightest detail of his personal life, would bring nothing but joy to all those "haters" still boiling over at the mere thought of his well-chronicled transgressions.

2. Joe Millionaire (Evan Marriott)

Admit it, you remember this guy. I recall being embarrassingly excited at the idea of a reality show roster of gold-diggers being duped into thinking they were on the brink of realizing all of their greedy, money-grubbing dreams, only to be flattened by the reality that Mr. Marriott was not an heir to a gazillionaire, but merely an everyday construction worker (no offense to the construction industry). Surprisingly, the union of Marriott and Zora Andrich (the eventual winner) didn't work out, but a stint on one of America's most watched shows would certainly create a second 15 minutes for one of reality TV's original villains and potentially create a fresh pool of groupies from which he could pull.

3. Anyone from the VH1 Reality Show Confessions of a Teen Idol

Adrian Zmed, Billy Hufsey, Chris Atkins, Eric Nies, David Chokachi, Jamie Walters and Jeremy Jackson, come on down!!! Just give me one of these guys, and I don't care which one. If you saw any of this show, you couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for nearly all of these once notable celebrities...actors...reality stars or whatever other category one would put them in, so I'd like to resurrect at least one of their careers for at least a week or two.

Each and every one of these guys has a built-in theme for which one of their dances could be built around: Be it Zmed as "Johnny" from Grease 2, Hufsey doing a Fame interpretation, or Atkins mamboing in a loincloth as the curly blonde-haired yutz from Blue Lagoon. Eric Nies Grinding, Chokachi Baywatching or Jamie Walters waltzing to one of his top-40 hits from the 90's which he had parlayed from his stint as Donna Martin's blue-collar boyfriend on Beverly Hills 90210. After all, I don't think Scott Baio's attempt at career resuscitation proved effective in regards to any of these guys launching a second career, so why not a charitable act as a last resort?

4. Emilio Estevez

Why not? You can't get Charlie Sheen for fear of what - or who - he might do on national television, so why not get the coach from The Mighty Ducks?

5. Brian Austin Green

C'mon, it was television gold watching Aaron Spelling try to sell us for a decade that "David Silver" was a pop music savant on Beverly Hills 90210, so let's put him and his "talent" to the test. After all, he was a rap and R&B recording star, played keyboard and sung back up for Baby Face, and directed music videos for some of rock's budding superstars! Oh, it would also be more-than-acceptable to have his wife Megan Fox sitting front row for a few weeks.

6. Keith Olbermann

If you want to see who really owns the political world, throw this liberal icon onto the show and see how long he lasts. I originally thought you'd have to go with Rush in regards to a political blowhard, but due to his recent stint on the Golf Channel's Haney Project coupled with Olbermann presenting an opportunity to joke of his two left feet (get it? He's on the left and has two left feet...), I figured he'd be the better fit.

7. Verne Troyer

I preface by saying this isn't a "midget" joke, but more a test of the professional dancer's expertise. I'd give nearly anything to see if "Mini Me" could be spun around the dance floor in any presentable way. Hell, I've seen Willow -- there's got to be someone in that cast who's graduated from an Arthur Murray Academy.

8. President Clinton

Now we're talkin'. Forget Chad Ochocinco and Mario Lopez; let's bring a real swingin' dick to the game. Bill Clinton would not only be accompanied by record-setting security, he'd spawn an unprecedented amount of prop betting in Vegas regarding the likelihood of an extra-marital affair with his professional partner. In addition, I would have to insist that the producers of the show apply heightened determination when selecting his partner, so as to nudge him in the direction he certainly will be dying to go.

9. Carl Lewis

On the brink of running for political office, this once great Olympian would be an outstanding addition to any cast. While arguably one of, if not this country's greatest athlete, Carl Lewis' athleticism is only outdone by an innate ability to embarrass himself rivaled only by one David Hasselhoff. Don't believe me? Two words offer proof: national anthem.

10. You

Or me, or anyone else fortunate enough to win a DWTS lottery. That's right, if you don't think fans of the show would respond to an opportunity to partake in the action, you're kidding yourself. Do some goofy sweepstakes via email, text or phone, whittle it down to a group of finalists, and draw it from a tumbler. This would be a great move to generate interest at a time of depressed ratings. It may be jumping the shark, but doesn't every show sooner or later?

Have you had enough "Dancing"?

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